Reply to Vent: My son unintentionally shamed my brother, who then "told on me" to our parents

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Reply to "Vent: My son unintentionally shamed my brother, who then "told on me" to our parents"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, it might help you and your son to realize that your brother likely has a disability. Probably if you think about it, you can figure out what the disability is. And it’s worth figuring out because that’s your children’s family history too.[/quote]

If you have a hidden disability and want accommodations at work, you disclose it and they work with you on what is reasonable. OP should not have to guess. If she needs to explain disability to her child she needs to explain limits and a little about the disability. What kid of message does it send to say "Uncle Joe has a disability. It means he may be able to walk and move his arms and read, but he cannot do laundry or help his parents around the house or hold down any job at all. We don't know the disability, but you must not ask him what he does as a job or what he does all day because it hurts his feelings." My kids would have a field day with this. They would refuse chores or homework and say they have a disability we must not know anything about other than due to disability they will stop doing anything but lounging.

Wouldn't there be far less shame in explaining chronic fatigue or struggles with mood swings or severe ADHD or depression and then sharing what specialists you have seen and what you are trying? Seems far less shameful than Uncle Joe's spends his days on the couch unable to do a chore and then he tells mommy to shut it down if anyone asks any questions about it.[/quote]

It's none of her business or her child's business. No one owes her child an explanation for the life they lead. If OP wants to explain to her child why some people don't work she is free to draw from many examples and frame the answer as she sees fit. Her brother is not her dependent, he owes her nothing.[/quote]

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