Reply to Re: One Day - Real life examples of couples who are physically mismatched

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Lots of white women who feel threatened by plain looking women of color dating good looking white guys, it seems?

Asian American woman here - it's well known in our circles that you don't have to be a particularly attractive Asian woman to have non-Asian men attracted to you. So long as you are thin and with shiny hair, an Asian woman will get a lot of attention. Unfortunately, this is largely due to historically ingrained stereotypes that sexualize Asian women, but the point stands.[/quote]

No one is feeling threatened by anything. We’re just confused by why the unattractive women of color think the unattractive white men they are dating are so hot. They aren’t. [/quote]

What is it to you?

Don't be confused. Find your own hot/ not so hot man/ woman and be happy.[/quote]

I think what bothers me is the internalized racism. How the ugly Asian chick thinks the ugly white guy is hot just because he isn’t an ugly Asian guy and vice versa. (For instance when the ugly Jewish guy thinks the ugly Asian chick is hot because she isn’t an ugly Jewish girl.)

That sort of self hate bothers me. [/quote]

Do these people tell you these things? How come you know so many people who have this perception? [/quote]

My best friend in college was a very cute Asian girl. She wasn’t beautiful, but she was super cute. In order for her to be remotely interested in an Asian guy, he had to be very good looking, but any run of the mill White guy would do. I thought it was sad. (She ended up with an ugly White guy and her kids are very, very unattractive. I don’t get it.)

I knew lots of others like this, especially Indian girls and Jewish guys. They’d prefer anyone to their own. Successful Black guys are famous for this, too. Is this really something new for you!?! I knew lots of people like this because I went to college with a lot of South and East Asians and Jews. Meanwhile, I never met one say Chinese/Indian couple in college. I’ve met a few since, but none of the people involved went to college in the US. All the Asians I knew in college l, who did interracial dating, had their eye on the prize: a white person.

If that’s not self-hating, I don’t know what is.[/quote]

These things can be more complicated than you assume.

I cannot speak to your examples, but I did something similar based on bias from my childhood and not necessarily self hatred.

I am an African immigrant who "preferred" white guys and married one. It had nothing to do with looks. I wanted a husband who would split household chores and childcare evenly. I grew up around African men who did not, and the only white husband I knew did ( a relative's husband). So I grew up believing that white men were more likely to cook and clean and be hands on with children.

My DH cooks, cleans, does laundry and is very hands on with the children. It's a self fulfilling prophecy because I know many white men who do not do much at home. In fact, the laziest spouse I know is a white husband who does not clean, does not cook and will never change a diaper.

I have 2 African male relatives my DH's age who do even more than my DH does at home. But I never saw these examples growing up. These gender roles are changing in all cultures, but I only noticed African men in my family and circle doing this after I got married.

If I was not ignorant when I married in my 20s, I would have widened my circle. But I don't really have regrets because DH is an equal partner at home.

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