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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "My 39 y.o. gym trainer is looking for a husband, with no success on dating apps"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The kind of man who sleeps with a woman "too soon" and gets a bad impression of her is not the kind of man who's worth pursuing. He's the kind of man who wants to have his cake and eat it too. Women who make men like this wait just to get their "respect" don't respect themselves either, if they did, they wouldn't "save" themselves for men like this. [/quote] Didn't it cross your mind that women who don't sleep with each man they meet just want to get to know the man first? With so many guys lying on apps about STDs, marital&relationship status, it makes sense to wait a month or two until he starts showing red flags. It's not a guarantee of anything, of course, but critical sh..t usually comes up after couple months, in my experience[/quote] Did you read my comment or just quoted it? I'm specifically talking about women who dely sex to avoid causing a bad impression on men, not about women who dely sex for other reasons. As for your STD comment, everyone should be tested before sex REGARDLESS of how much you wait.[/quote] Once a woman opens her mouth about a copy of STD results including herpes, guys who are in just for sex simply disappear. It could be the way to weed out for OPs friend. But if she’s that used to sleeping around, she probably just can’t keep herself from doing it, and thus is not capable of conscious relationships and analyzing her risks before sleeping with anyone [/quote] Plenty of people who sleep around have no problem to keep themselves from doing it, very few people are actual sex addicts. Other people are perfectly capable and aware of the risks, but take them anyways, the same way they take other risks in their lives such as skiing or driving at night in unknown areas. I used to have casual sex between relationships and before I met my husband. I asked for STD tests and those that didn't want them were out. I had no problem establishing relationships when I found men I was interested in. We have no idea what's going on with OP's trainer, as most of the OP seems to be a disapproval post of the trainer's perceived behavior rather than anything concrete.[/quote] Your logics makes no sense. Casual sex implies that your partner sleeps with others as well. Asking for STD test is redundant in that case: they can get HSV2 and othe deceases from one night stands and still infect you. Of course people who don’t have multiple STDs prefer non-casual sex! It’s not like all these f..ks are going to pay my medical insurance deductibles or explain genital herpes for me to my future partners. The occurrence of HPV related throat cancers in men over 60 yo is growing. It’s a torturous death I don’t get get it how people can be that clueless and careless [/quote] I'm not clueless, but you seem extremely naive. Condoms and avoiding oral sex greatly reduces your chances of contracting an STD and casual sex doesn't need ti be ongoing. On the other hand, monogamous relationships aren't necessarily monogamous as a significant percentage of people cheat. People don't generally use protection in monogamous relationships either. Making a man wait doesn't magically protect you from STDs and considering how most of the pressure to avoid casual sex falls on women don't be surprised if the man you're making wait isn't holding himself to the same standards as many women hold themselves to. I know plenty of cases of women who, as far as I know never had casual sex, but ended up with infections because the man they made wait had STIs and never got tested, or eventually got one because they weren't being faithful.[/quote] Read Reddit on how women or men got genital herpes from one and single encounters off Tinder while using condoms. Yes, you can't protect yourself from partner cheating completely, but at least you know a man who waits for a few dates and prepared to share the tests is not a pig seeking immediate lay. Women having ONS with guys on apps are nuts. There is extremely adverse selection - men rush with sex for that specific reason, usually they do have an infection that's easily transmittable even with condoms. All of them "go down" on women. Absolutely all men I met on dates asked if they could offer this to me on date 2-3. [/quote] Reddit is not a substitute for data. Women's risk of getting herpes from an infected partner is around 8.9 times out of 10,000 sex acts. Source: https://www.guttmacher.org/journals/ipsrh/2001/12/condoms-reduce-womens-risk-herpes-infection-do-not-protect-men Note that condom use consistency was very low in this sample. The chances of getting herpes is very low when condoms are used properly and consistently. Of the men who offered to go down on you on the 2-3 date, did you keep dating them? Plenty of men who wait if the woman asks them to didn't wait with all women, the fact that they're offering you sex is a sign of this. It's ridiculous to think one is protecting women by expecting them to wait when the men they entered in a relationship with are free to have ONSs. It's almost as STDs aren't the real issue here and that gender expectations are.[/quote] Even if STD risk is low I don’t take it for ONS. I did keep dating some of these men, yes. It’s a mutual decision when to intimate, I don’t care what other women tell him. Women catch STDs easier than men, the consequences could be infertility, cervical cancer or limited ability to date in the future. Men, to the opposite, are often asymptomatic carriers. There is a physical difference between men and women that justifies why women should be more selective if they want to preserve their health and fertility. It has nothing to do with feminism and genders equality to have ONS. [/quote] Thanks for proving my point. Everybody with at least two working cells understands that no matter how much a woman abstains from ONSs, she's still at risk of catching an STD if she's dating and eventually having unprotected sex with men who have ONSs, not to mention that higher expectations for women is exactly what makes men irresponsible. Expecting "selectivity" from women but not from men doesn't really work. You're not really selective or any better than the women who have casual sex, because you end up in relationships with the same kind of man these women are sleeping with, and unlike the women who use protection since they know it's a ONS, you might not even be doing that if you're in a relationship. Having ONSs might have nothing to do with gender equality, but cra*ping on women who do while being perfectly fine with dating men who do the same under the guise of selectivity when all the data points to the fact that chances of STD are very low even for women when protection is used comes off as sexist and dishonest at worst and idiotic at best.[/quote] It is idiotic to think that all men in LTR are engaging in ONS in parallel to “main” relationship. Or that people don’t use protection while in a relationship. It’s the same as stating no man is capable of commitment even for a short period but women are, which is simply untrue. The level of care between partners in actual relationship or cohabilitation is somewhat different from someone just dating around. It’s proven by CDC that increasing your number of partners increases chances of STD - as simple as that. You are trying to prove something opposite [/quote] I never said all men engage in ONSs while being in LTRs, but significant share of men (and women) cheat or have STDs they're unaware of before they enter a relationship, that's why I find the expectation that women abstain from ONSs but not men ridiculous. I'm also aware that the higher the number of partner the higher the chances of catching an STD, but this applies to both genders, not just women. Furthermore, a big share of sexually active individuals does not use protection consistently. Consistent protection decreases chances of STDs a lot even among promiscuous individuals. Sex workers is places where this practice is regulated have lower rates of STDs than the non-sex working population. Calling women dumb for having ONSs instead of calling both men and women dumb for having unprotected sex is stupid and tells me once again that STDs aren't the problem here or else you would also be calling stupid the people having sex in LTRs with no protection and no previous test. [/quote]
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