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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Moved here 25 years ago, girlfriend joined me, became my wife and we have 3 kids. She’s hated Alexandria since 2003 and never lets me forget it. Either move or keep cheerful but don’t complain about it every 72 hours.

Life in your town has gone on without you and your absence has been filled, friends and family have new responsibilities and tighter social circles, your return to Pottersville may not be what you were expecting. 
What you may really be missing is being childless and 27. [/quote]

You've put up with your spouses griping for 25 years?  Sit her down and gently but firmly say, "I love you but you need to stop whining about this.   Make the best of it or don't.  If you really hate it here, there's the door.  Don't let it hit you on the rear end on your way out."[/quote]

I bet that if he would actually let her and the 3 kids go, they would be out the door.

As it is, he’s using the kids to trap her into staying with him.  [/quote]

No, she couldn't just take the kids with her.  You're missing the point that these sorts of conflicts aren't really about where they live at all.  That's just a symptom of the overall relationship dysfunction and inability to resolve conflicts.  PP says he has listened to his wife complain  about it for 25 years, but he doesn't want to move.   The issue needs to be resolved one way or the other.  She needs to stop complaining, or he needs to learn to accept her complaining as the cost of not moving.  But him complaining about her complaining is pointless [/quote]

I don’t leverage the kids to stay in NoVa; our situation is unique because I sort of have a tiger by the tail and that tiger provides us an incredible life. That same tiger is was raised in northern Virginia and would not do well in southern Florida- in fact it would die.  
I really like new places and I would move but I don’t want to be poor and my DW definitely doesn’t what to be poor.  Life is wonderful here and the reasons for not leaving are many, so don’t complain when you see Florida on TV.[/quote]

It sounds like you don’t think that your wife actually wants to move.  
If that’s true, what’s the harm on entertaining the idea or calling her bluff when she brings it up?  
Say, “OK.  Where do you want to live?  Let’s look at jobs that are available, see what kind of income we would have, see what kind of house that would buy us…”. In one afternoon, you could have saved 20 years of strife.  
[/quote]

It's because that pp and his wife actually aren't fighting about where to live.  By definition, if you live somewhere for 25 years, that's a choice that you have to accept responsibility for making.    That PPs wife is probably just an extremely passive aggressive person.  She needs a reason to be unhappy which she can try to blame on that pp which she believes then gives her some kind of leverage in other parts of the relationship.  She can always tell herself it's his fault that she has been living 25 years in a place she claims to not want to live.  Maybe in her.mind that gives her license to do things like cheat on him,who knows?

One thing I've found is that the places I have lived with a similar SES are all remarkably similar I what they have to offer.  Suburban D.C.is very similar to the NJ/NYS suburbs of NYC.

If you're stuck in the boondocks somewhere it might not be what you expected but presumably some reasonably rationale trade off was made in exchange for the lack of certain preferred amenities.  If you just moved to a place on a complete whim within forethought or planning then yeah it could be a mistake.

But that's not what's going on in these scenarios.  In these scenarios there were substantial reasons to put down stakes in a particular place, both spouses agreed to the move, and then one spouse decided to disclaim responsibility for the joint decision not because it was a bad decision,but to leverage their status as perpetual victim.[/quote]

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