Reply to DD only kid in her friend group not invited

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ugh, I feel this tonight. No school in VA tomorrow and my 9th grade DD just discovered that her core group of 7 friends are having a sleepover without her. I’m so sad for her right now. [/quote]

Why would kids do this? Is it deliberate cruelty?[/quote]

I'm the one with excluded DD - it seems to me it's sending a message. There must be at least one person in the group who doesn't like her and doesn't want her there. I have my guesses as to whom. But it sucks even more because my DD is the one who connected the two smaller groups to become this larger one, so now she is floundering.

I totally understand that this happens and the friend groups are very fluid in high school, but it is pretty hard when it's happening to your kid. I appreciate the sympathy and people letting me vent anonymously since I would never say anything to the parents. There really isn't any solution for her other than forging ahead and branching out a bit.  [/quote]

DP - I'm so sorry this happened to your daughter, PP.  It's awful.  Lisa Damour had a good podcast about this phenomenon and sadly, one of the reasons is that it gives the kids something to bond over.  That sounds so gross to me, but it's a thing, I guess.  I hope your DD feels some comfort and can find some friendly new faces soon.  It only takes one friend to make a difference.

To the PPs insisting that this phenomenon is BS and people need to get over it - feeling hurt by exclusion is a normal human process.  This study even found that the pain felt from social exclusion is mediated by the same part of the brain that underlies physical pain: https://www.science.org/doi/full/10.1126/science.1089134?casa_token=z2CIspd02TgAAAAA%3AQVgqbcuEROxoAHTBoX3yVgNOT6aAsjGFCs49-iZlU0ux_ZIanWCnn2nGTUXLbZY6-CHxUlbA0V0aFQ

So, yeah.  Being excluded hurts.  Thinking that makes kids "soft" is profoundly wrong-headed.[/quote]

Thanks, PP - I'll take a look. [/quote]

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