Reply to Friend group is blowing up due to rift between teen girls

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Here's the thing. Or "a" thing. Girls who fare well socially at this age also end up being targets. They're all just kids, figuring things out, and it's time for the moms to step away. I know it's hard to see your kid hurting, but you do not approach the other mom, and get the mutual mom friends involved. You encourage your own kid to be around others who appreciate her. Full stop.

My DD12 is very sweet. She got an award at camp this summer for "making everyone feel like they belong." That's her way and I'm very proud of her.

She's also beautiful, a top student, and gets the lead in the musicals. Haters come for her, regardless of the fact that she is really nice to everyone. There are times when she wants to hang out with some kids and not others-- I have seen the texts. She is never mean. Does that mean kids never gossip about her and say things that aren't true? No.

Unfortunately, some of the kids painting themselves as victims do nasty and underhanded things. Some of their moms would rather blame some ambiguously "cool" girl for the fact that their kid is floundering a bit trying to find their way in MS. (Which is normal!)

Recently, a girl (Larla- very nice) asked DD to see a play some mutual friends were in and they went. Just the two of them. Another friend (NOT a bestie, but someone she's known for a long time) who is not friends with Larla, but knows her, also came to the play with her mom and was upset about that DD was there with Larla. DD did nothing, but her friend is just sad about it, and probably complains to her mother about it. To this girl, it's just a crime that DD had fun plans with Larla. It's something that DD did that was wrong. It sounds insane, but I have empathy. It's a tough age, they're going through a lot, everything is changing.

The point is they are all kids and deserve some grace. But automatically blaming the child who may have more social capital isn't right. I'm trying to teach my DD to ignore this kind of thing. But it's not right.[/quote]

Duh, the other friend asked your DD to go and your DD told her she didn’t want to go/couldn’t go/ some other excuse.

Mothers like you and OP are just painful. Is it that you are that dumb or just ignoring that your child is not perfect ? who knows - maybe both. But listening to you people IRL is just mind numbing.

And to the OP - you will be in the other mothers position during the next few years. It happens. Save your post so you can come back to it when it happens to your DD so at least you can laugh at your silliness and bloated self image. [/quote]

The friend hadn't talked to my DD in a long time. They go to different schools. Their last interaction was the friend coming to my DD's birthday party a few weeks prior.

Duh, kids are sensitive and get upset about things that rationally they have no business getting upset about. [/quote]

A few weeks is not a "long time."[/quote]

Thanks so much for pointing that out! It's super relevant. All I was saying is that they did not discuss this hang out, or any similar hang out. My daughter did not leave her out in any way, shape or form. It's hard for you to believe, for some reason, but a kid complaining about a social interaction that doesn't involve them is not always the most trustworthy source.[/quote]

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