Reply to I think I’m going to have to contact my husband’s affair partner

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you must contact her, share the name of a good therapist or self-esteem coach and tell her the person really helped heal a single friend whose life was a mess. That would be savage. [/quote]

Yes, please say this as the wife that took back her chaeting husband... to the person he cheated on her with.

As a former AP, I would laugh my hot a$$ off if one of you crusty old wives said something like that to me. Savage, indeed. [/quote]

Oh dear. Sorry about your terminally low self-esteem, but sadly, your act here isn’t fooling anyone with a brain.[/quote]

It always surprises me how 0W always try to exude hubris, but they really don’t even see how damaged and pathetic they are.

I’ve had a couple friends who are OWs. They act like they’re all bad and strong and in control one or just a complete effing mess.

Daddy issues are a real thing.[/quote]

And obsessing, obsessing over the wife and if he’ll leave and hanging on waiting for a random text to come through. A complete roller coaster that they have a histrionic need for.[/quote]

It’s a cortisol addiction and they don’t know why they do it.[/quote]

Dopamine addiction.[/quote]

Could be… but abused children get dumps of cortisol when they are being abused. Cortisol is a calming hormone.

People become addicted to Cortisol and when they are calm and happy, they don’t get cortisol and that makes them feel anxious. So they pick a fight or do something to cause cortisol to dump.[/quote]

It’s a trauma response leftover from childhood.  This was my spouse. He grew up in a volatile household with a cheating alcoholic father and some violent episodes (police called) when he was younger.  Mom was fairly selfish and self-absorbed.

What I learned is that holidays are triggers because for families like that they usually were a source of fighting/drinking, etc.  That kids raised this way feel out of place when everything is calm and going well—they equate love to strife and drama.  They need instability.  This is why they will go out and do stupid things looking for that drama.

They will often choose stable healthy life partners and the family they wished they had, but without therapy they will mess up as they have kids of their own- particularly when kids reach the age they were at height of trauma/divorce, etc.[/quote]

This is a much better explanation than mine. Thanks for sharing maybe an AP will read it and realize they need help.[/quote]

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