Reply to I don’t want to travel OR host for the holidays

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s not a “boomer thing.” We are older millennials who love traveling to and also hosting extended family. Our kids love it too and we place a huge value on it. Family is everything, especially that close cousin relationship. IYKYK. You can’t put a price on it. [/quote]

It’s amazing that you have those relationships. Would you want to be hosted by extended family who didn’t want to host you? Or host someone in your home who didn’t want to be there?

Or would your rather they made a choice to have the holiday they wanted? Because what seems to characterize the Boomer posters is the idea that DIL must host MIL or travel to her, even if it makes her miserable, which is not typically a Gen X/Milleneal
Perspective [/quote]

In order to foster those relationships you have to be committed to time spent together. It doesn't happen in a vacuum. It requires some flexibility and a DESIRE for the relationships to exist. That is the part OP seems to be really lacking. But it is so so worth it to have these lifelong relationships. But as long as OP's kids have her side of the family, she doesn't even seem interested in the other side of the family, which is sad. Many other posters here seem to have that same attitude unfortunately for them. [/quote]

I get that, but I don’t feel like it answers the question.

I would be mortified if I flew to visit someone who found it exhausting to host me. I be equally mortified to be hosting someone who didn’t want to be there.

If there’s someone who doesn’t want you in their home— would you still insist they should host you? Would you want to be hosted someplace knowing you were exhausting the hostess?[/quote]

I would be mortified to be unwilling to host or visit my inlaws. I love my husband far too much to ever be that way towards his parents who raised him. I would also be mortified to deny my children a close relationship with their grandparents who love them and are interested in them, which is what OP is doing whether that is her intent or not. OP's stance on this is not okay. It just isn't. She didn't claim they were abusive in some way. She doesn't even say she doesn't like them. She just says she can't be bothered to host or visit. They can't even visit in her home if they do ALL the work (like her mom and dad do.) They must stay in a rental and STILL do ALL THE WORK for OP to even consider it. This is not normal or ok. Its some form of weird anxiety, or just plain lack of caring. [/quote]

[b]So…yes? You would go somewhere knowing the host didn’t want you[/b] to be there and you were keeping them from having the holiday they wanted?

I realize you don’t think the OPs position is valid and you don’t believe she has a right to the holiday she wants.  But I’m not sure I think your position— that someone should host you so you get what you want while ruining their holiday— is more defensible. [/quote]

Knowing that it was my only option to see my own child and grandchildren and knowing that my child's spouse was not likely to suddenly decide she wanted to host me in the future, then YES absolutely! I'm not giving up on my child and grandchild because my DIL is...whatever she is.

[/quote]

I don’t see anywhere in the OP that says she never wants to host again, or that they don’t see her in laws at any other time. [/quote]

She didn't say that she does ever plan to host again or that she does see them other times though either. We also never got DH's side of the story either. If I'm grandma (I'm nowhere close yet and I don't have boys) I'd be asking my SON what HE preferred. If he truly doesn't want to see his own parents for the holidays, he can tell me himself. [/quote]

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