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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If it were a good friend of mine--good enough that I would be the person they would turn to for advice, etc--I would probably tell them directly. [b]Although I would also take into account--do they have very young children? is this going to destroy her/them?  Is he generally a bad guy and treats her poorly all the time or is he having some kind of midlife crisis? Is this cheating a real affair with a danger of him leaving her or a one night stand in a bar? I know that for me, as a married woman, some situations I could get past, and others not. If my spouse were carrying on and in love with another woman for some period of time I absolutely would want to know. If he got drunk and slept with someone on a trip and didn't do it on the regular, I would rather not know[/b].

Anyway, if I felt the information would be important to her, I would say something directly.

the risk is that you lose the friendship, not that you've done anything wrong but she can't handle being around you and knowing that you know....on the other hand, can you handle being around her and knowing what you now without saying anything?

I also think that if a *good* friend of mine had this information and did not tell me, they would no longer be a good friend. Id feel BOTH the  weirdness/shame that they know this about my marriage/husband AND the disappointment that they didn't tell me.

[/quote]

OP - the questions above are not yours to weigh.  They are for your friend to weigh and decide for her own life.[/quote]

It is not OP's place to put her in the position of deciding. T[b]hat puts her more responsible for the fallout than the cheater[/b]. MYOB.[/quote]

The bold--Oh, hell, no. No one is more responsible for the clusterf**k than the cheater. What a skewed way you have of looking at things. [/quote]

Most affairs are not discovered. Telling when it may not be otherwise found out directly puts the friend in a worse position. Start thinking logically and not emotionally.[/quote]
I agree. I think this is a don’t tell  scenario and I’m a woman. Maybe tell the husband you know and if he doesn’t end it, it’s over for him. [/quote]

You're probably the other woman. Disgusting. [/quote]

Yep. Filled with cheaters and APs[/quote]
I’m the PP and nope, not a cheater. I’m a happily married woman who has lived long enough to understand a thing or two about human nature. And I would not want to know unless my DH was planning on leaving me. I know how awful it feels. I had a BF cheat on me in college. But the stakes in my life are so astronomical right now that an affair that will end and not destroy me would be best kept as [b]a mistake that hopefully would spark a huge change in my spouse[/b] if he effed up that badly. [/quote]

You're relying very heavily on the idea that your spouse -- with zero accountability to you as the wronged spouse, because you would not even know about an affair -- would magically "change" and that an affair would end. If you don't know, he never has to face any consequences or see your hurt feelings, so why would he consider an affair a mistake or decide he needed to change? I'm not sure you truly understand as much about human nature as you so firmly believe you do. [/quote]

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