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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.

I'm not dumb. If anything, I get the point that I need to speak up, but I need time. I am a slow processor. I need to think things through and I need time and flexibility. I was just looking at our deck. We used to eat dinner outside all the time at the beginning of summer, but now, it's just not happening because everyone is running all over the place. I see all of the problems. And I'm the only one willing to point it out. DH just shuts down and says he can't take the complaining, but it's yet another block preventing me from having my voice heard.

And to all of you questioning me as a mother, I did all of the right things. I was intensely engaged with my kids when they were small, I quit my job (yes, it sucked but it knocked me off the career track I was on and I'm slowly making my way to where I'd like to be), and for all intents and purposes, the kids prefer me. I'm the fun parent. I play with them. I read to them (DH hates reading to the kids, always has, but he has no problem demanding that they do summer math worksheets to memorize multiplication and division tables or review upper grade math, which the kids are always complaining to me about). I am the parent who makes the costumes, bakes the birthday cakes, I set up those first day and last day of school pictures. I do it all. So, again, I'm not some slug and DH isn't some perfect prince. I was clear about his being an addict, which I still am shocked people are like "oh well! He's "sober" now!" It's so hypocritical when posters go on about how addicts are irredeemably damaged people but oh, it's fine for me because he's being a control freak, driving the kids around to a million activities they want to do?[/quote]

So make dinner and serve it on the deck! Or talk to your family: "I miss having dinner on the deck. Anyone else? Let's plan a family dinner on Saturday. I'll cook!"

We're not saying your complaints aren't valid. Just that you need to propose solutions, not just complain.[/quote]

This. Nobody is saying you're a bad mother. You're annoying your DH by complaining but not proposing any solutions. And you did agree to this summer plan. And it's ridiculous to criticize him for using a calendar.

If your processing speed is too slow, take some time alone, in advance, to think about what you want to say. Think about which activities are most valuable for the school year, and which you'd like to eliminate. Then make that proposal to your DH and try to reach an agreement. If you're a slow processor, you need to make the effort to give yourself extra time. If your DH is rushing you, say "You are rushing me and I need more time", but then you actually do have to get your act together to make some choices. You say you want control, but having control and responsibility means getting the research and decision-making work done and getting it done on time.[/quote]

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