Reply to Large early inheritance to only 1 of 3 siblings?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s not an “inheritance” if the parents are still alive.

I have spent different amounts on my adult kids at various times according to what was needed at the time. They went to very different types of colleges, so tuitions were different, as were their living expenses. We contributed different amounts for wedding expenses  because there was almost 10 years between weddings, so inflation had occurred.

In my family of origin, my youngest sibling had a car at college, no college loans, and lots of extra expenses paid by my parents while I did not have a car, had loans, and I worked during the school year to pay my extra expenses. Why the difference? Well, partially because my parents no longer had kids at home so they didn’t really need the extra car anymore and partly because their financial circumstances had improved by that time. I didn’t expect them to cough up an equivalent amount of money for me- I was working and married and taking care of myself by then and understood that they could spend their money any way that they pleased. It never would have occurred to me to think that I was entitled to more because they now had more.

I grew up hearing “Life is not fair” from people around me.  Are kids growing up hearing “Life is fair, and when it’s not, make sure you demand fairness” today?
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Life certainly is not fair.  Parents provide (or should) for each kid as the situation calls for.  I'm financially successful, my one sibling is not and has struggled their entire life mostly due to their own stupid choices (in spouse, in overspending, trying to keep up with the joneses, etc). My parents do not have much but have always attempted to help the sibling as much as they could.  I don't get that help because I do not need it. In fact, I am the one who helps my parents when they need things, both financially and with my time.   I don't care if my parents help the sibling, it's their choice.  
I also want my parents to spend their entire savings/estate while alive if they can---I want them to enjoy life and would never want them to think they need to leave anything for me and my family----we don't need it and even if we "did" I wouldn't care if they did not leave it for me.

I'd be embarrassed if my kids were keeping track of what we spend on each.  While we attempt to be as fair as possible, sometime one gets something "better".  One kid graduated college and got a 9 yo vehicle, as that had been their car since they were driving age and it was not new when they were 16.  2nd kid also drove that car for 2 years while oldest was at college.  Once oldest got that car to go to college, 2nd kid got a car, a new car because it made the most sense (it was the pandemic, used cars cost almost as much as new, if you could even find one so we bought new).  2nd kid will get a 5 yo car when they graduate---same type but obviously a "newer car".  I don't really hear any complaints from the first kid....they are just very appreciative that they do not have a car loan and their insurance is slightly lower because they drive an older car.  Their car is in great shape, less than 80K on it and should last another 4-5 years easily.  I'd be embarrassed if I heard my kids being upset that one got a brand new car and the other got an older one.  Thankfully that isn't the case.

Yes, that is not $1M.  And we as parents would never give that much disparity.  But fact is life is not fair and I cannot imagine spending my life being jealous of a sibling or upset about those things.  In the original situation, it's likely religion based and the other sibling has known for years they could "get more from mommy and daddy" if they just followed the religion more religiously---so it's their choice.  I don't agree with parents doing that but fact is it is the parents money.  And this is likely not the first time there has been issues related to this[/quote]

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