Reply to AITA for not wanting DH to give MIL 4K to clear a debt

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My father "retired" after he was fired from his job in his 60s.  He got into a very bad place mentally and financially.  It was 100% his "fault" and he made a bunch of stupid decisions that caused his problems.

I felt very lucky that I was in a place to help him get out of that hole and support him until he got back on his feet.  He is my dad.  He supported me my entire childhood and I love him.  He needed help, and I could help him.  It was an easy decision.

I was not married then, but I think if my DH had opposed my giving much needed financial help to my dad, that would have really made he see DH differently (and not in a good way).

OP, imagine this were your mom, and see if that changes your thinking.  If it does, then consider that is how your DH feels about his mom and think about how the things you are saying must sound to him.[/quote]

It's one thing to do that when you're younger and single and your money belongs to you alone with very few firm obligations. But when you get older and have to save for your own retirement and kids, and all of your savings is the product of your DH's effort as well as yours, it feels totally different. I doubt you would have supported your dad to the point of running out of money yourself. The $40K that OP has saved will be gone so fast in this situation, and then they'll have nothing. Nobody should ask that of their spouse. If you approached your DH about something like this today, I hope you would come in with a realistic plan to address your father's underlying issues and keep your own family finances stable. Not just "gimme money, he's my dad".[/quote]

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