Reply to How do you stay married to an ASD HFA Aspergers husband?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hope someone sees my question and can answer.

If you have been in a long term marriage with someone with HFASD, I realize that labels weren't as ubiquitous or clear decades ago. There were only limited descriptors of autism,  codes,  therapy, symptoms. In fact, men who were in math and science,  engineering,  were completely lumped into a behavioral category of their own- completely accepted as normal- but not at all for women, interestingly enough. It's still that way somewhat. That, I believed helped define what autism could look like when we realized women presented neurodivergence differently.  Why? Women were not accepted in the same way as men.

So, if you, though, are married to a man who would be or is dxed with an ASD descriptor, what was his relationship with his parents? What kinds of things did they do for their son, or was it more of a codependency  where it was what it was and he was thought of  just as quirky? Was one of the parents also ASD?

How did it look going forward after your marriage with his parents?[/quote]

My ex has four people in his family who have autism. The only one actually diagnosed is his sister's son, but it is pretty clear now looking back which family members had or have it. The family is very close to the point of being too close and fearful of the outside world and there is a lot of codependency in terms of just doing things for the men and being pretty strict with what they did. No one was allowed to leave home to go to college. The women kind of ran the show at home and the family was very traditional. The men worked and then watched TV after work or did some other singular task. It was just accepted that these men would be quiet and wouldn't do much around the house or much with their kids or wives. There might be one task a day they would do for the family and there would be a lot of praise for doing it. No one ever argued. Some of the other men in the family were very talkative making up for the quieter ones.[/quote]

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