Reply to Blindsided by in-laws inviting random cousin to Thanksgiving gathering?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]I believe that people can redeem themselves from criminal mistakes made in their youth,  [/b]but ultimately the support of the family for victims trumps that of the offender.  Your DH seems to acknowledge that his family has every right to support the cousin.   You are the one who wants to brush things under the rug because you are ashamed of your DH and your kids finding out about it.

The best parenting you and DH could do is for your DH to honestly acknowledge the HUGE mistake he made and explain to your sons that the consequences of his actions will follow him around for the rest of his life.  The professional and legal repercussions and the personal/familial repercussions.   One of which is that his family supports the cousins who made reasonable accusations given your DH's sex offenses. [/quote]
Sexual predators can NEVER be redeemed or rehabilitated.[/quote]
Why do you say this?[/quote]
Are you really unaware that they have the highest recidivism rate? You seem like you’re just trolling.[/quote]

OP here: I want to make it clear I wasn’t that poster. I am aware of the recidivism rate. His crimes are something I have had to come terms with and my decisions were made intelligently and made based on who he is and what he has done to better himself.

I know my husband, and I know how much work he has put in to better himself following his crimes. Because of that, I fully believe he has rehabilitated himself. I know that isn’t a guarantee he won’t struggle or even commit another crime, but I had to ask myself whether I believe he would be a part of those statistics. I think my answer to that question should be clear based on my decisions.[/quote]

Your decision... to voice your displeasure that your in-laws invited a whistle-blower to their own home? You realize you cannot control who a home-owner invites; and that in this particular case, you REALLY don't have any right, since your husband is the person who seemed to be (or actually was) grooming a teen?

Your husband may be totally innocent in the letter-writing thing. But not many people will believe it since he has a prior history in a related activity. You really MUST understand this.

I hope you're a troll. If you're not, I would be very careful when inviting your children's friends into your home. Please never leave them alone with your husband, and make sure there are no hidden cameras anywhere in the house. Be very wary if your husband seeks to get a position of authority over minors: coach, school or church volunteer, carpool driver, etc... He seems to have that profile, unfortunately. Don't kid yourself. If his brain has these types of urges, it's really hard for him to resist without therapy or meds. It's not something you just snap out of. It's serious disorder.

[/quote]

OP here: My DH is fully compliant with all terms of his conviction. For a brief period he worked at an elementary school in a position with zero interaction with minors. He wasn’t seeking out a job at a school, however it was one he was qualified for. Prior to applying for this position, and prior to accepting it he discussed the specifics of the job with his parole officer and was told (incorrectly) that this would not be a violation (this was, as it turned out, not true).

He has consistently been in therapy and has (at times) been prescribed medication. Therapy was a condition of his release, and he has continued in therapy as it has been highly beneficial to him, both to address his issues that led to these decisions, but also to better improve himself.

Also, not to justify what he did, but I need to clarify that DH is not a pedophile. That does not diminish his crimes, but it does put them in perspective. He took several upskirt photos, one of which was of a 17 year old teenager. He did not know or have any reason to believe she was underage. He would never place himself in a position of authority over minors, and has no issues with his conditions of release prohibiting taking such positions, but I can tell you directly that the day he learned that one of his photos was of a minor, it broke him. Because it wasn’t his intention or desire to do so.[/quote]

How is taking upskirt pics of a minor not being a pedophile?

Your sons will either be abused, or abusers themselves. So sad. Gross. How can you sleep at night? Literally asking.[/quote]
You need to look up the definition of pedophile. What OP has described, while disgusting, is not pedophilia.[/quote]

Explain the letter writing to underage female cousin. Completely inappropriate. No doubt grooming. [/quote]

Who even wrote letters in 2012?[/quote]

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