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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, sure, fantasize, enjoy his company at work. But honestly, based on what I've seen and experienced, men who go down that road with you and cheat on their wives are sorry sacks. They literally are cowards who can't afford to leave their wives even if they wanted to. Most are not some multi-millionaire exec who can afford the younger attractive woman who makes him feel 25 again, who he wants to replace his old wife with. These pathetic losers are scared of leaving their wives and upsetting their lives-- and probably also scared of losing a particular lifestyle. They'll get into an affair to save their marriages-- they want to stay married, but they want variety. The affair is marriage life support for them.

For most women who are terribly unhappy, it's a way out and hopefully into a new marriage and life. That's why these things are usually called "exit affairs" for women. But please, keep in mind, the men aren't looking for exits. Even if they're unhappy and their wife is a controlling harpy who forces him to spend every weekend with her miserable parents he detests, HE, WILL, NOT, LEAVE, HER. He'll say he loves her, too. And my guess is that he may love her in some way, but he's more in love with his stable life in a nice house and not having to move into a crappy apartment without room for all of his toys.

So, where does that leave you? Talk to a counselor and figure out what is really, truly wrong. Divorce isn't the end of the world. People get divorced all the time and go on to live better lives. If you're miserable, talk it out, and then if you need to, get out. But don't go down the affair road because you'll most likely be the one who gets hurt. [/quote]

Eveb if he was a man looking for an upgrade to replace the dud wife with, men like that typically go younger from what I’ve seen, and op is 5-10 years older. [/quote]
Look, I don’t want to ‘replace’ the wifey. I just want to be able to get to know him better, even just as a friend first, but I am forbidden to do that. [/quote]

PP here. I get it. Yes, women are unfortunately forbidden to even be friends with married men. Unless you’re frumpy 60-year-old Marge who wears kitten sweatshirts. Even if you’re the best of buddies at work and all you do is drink coffee together at the Starbucks downstairs. As soon as wifey gets wind that her husband has a female friend he enjoys talking to, she’s going to shut that down or at the very least keep tabs on the relationship. And start checking his phone. [/quote]

Umm this is not true.  I am friends with married men.  I do not want to sleep with them.  Their wives know this and are fine with the friendship.[/quote]

They’re fine with it because they feel like they’re the ones ultimately in control of the situation.[/quote]

Yep and they know the conversation hasn’t crossed into no go zones like complaining about spouses etc [/quote]
Ughh, this is exactly what I mean. God forbid, your ‘hubby’ make a real friend who happens to be female. It’s all so possessive and restrictive. I must seek therapy to change my outlook. [/quote]

Your outlook is that some man you know nothing about is your soulmate and you’ve never had passion in your life. Do you really want to keep living like this? Also the odds are stacked against this ending well for you if you keep pursuing it. At best he rejects your advances and tells you he’s not interested in you. At worst your world is ruined and you lose your kids, job,  and he blocks you or comes after you for harassing him when you keep bothering him. [/quote]
No I won’t keep living like this. I will go back to being a workhorse mother and wife for the rest of my days. I have a dh w aspergers and zero passion or sparks or anything ever. But my kids love their dad, and divorcing would bring too much drama for everyone. I am just on here to vent, and try to look at it from a different perspective.[/quote]

This is the reality for a lot of people out there, men and women. People change into something better, or worse. It's bound to happen during most marriages. If you're 40 and this is your life now, well, then what? You may have another 40 years. If your spouse is easy to communicate with then yeah, maybe you can approach him and say I need to do XYZ to be happy and keeps this status quo (for him, not for you). If not and he's happy but doesn't want to open himself up to you taking your life in a direction that doesn't disrupt the family but allows you to grow as a person--traveling more on your own on the weekends, taking on new hobbies, and who knows, even having a close male friend on the side you can enjoy your time with, then you're just going to be held hostage by his inertia. Again, that's why talking to someone can help so you can approach things in a reasonable way, not lob a grenade at him and say I've had it I hate you.[/quote]

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