Reply to Friend asked to join book club

Forum Index » Off-Topic

Reply to "Friend asked to join book club - how to politely say no?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]SO weird she asked to come! Bold and rude.[/quote]

[quote]Aren't we always saying "ask to join" to people who want to make friends?  No she wasn't rude for asking.[/quote]

NP. I don't think she was rude for asking per se, but I certainly think there are better and worse ways of asking, and some are more rude than others. You don't put someone else on the spot like this -- not if you are thoughtful and care about them. It's polite to leave a clear "out" open.

I can't imagine NOT leading in with something like, "Is your book club even open to new people joining? If they are ..." etc. I mean, of course. If it were just a bald "Hey! Can I come, too?" then there is something rude about that. [/quote]

It's also rude to talk about groups that another person wouldn't be permitted to join.[/quote]

Sure. And neither mitigated the rudeness of the other.

[/quote]

No it does not. OP created this problem by talking about a group activity to her "close friend" that she doesn't want her friend to join.  And now she's acting high school mean-girl because she wants to keep her friends to herself.   She lacks basic social skills.[/quote]

+1. OP, since your "book club" is really just a social gathering of your college friends, tell the new person that you aren't taking new "members".[/quote]

+2  And learn some manners and stop talking about "exclusive" activities to others where you don't intend to include them.

https://www.oregonlive.com/advice/2022/01/ask-amy-isnt-it-rude-to-talk-about-parties-in-front-of-people-who-are-not-invited.html
Ask Amy: Isn’t it rude to talk about parties in front of people who are not invited?

I agree that it is rude to discuss a private gathering in front of someone who has not been invited. I think this is a basic rule most of us learned in elementary school, and yet seem to forget later in life.
[/quote]

That’s a reasonable rule to apply when the person is talking about an event to which the other person might have had some degree of expectation of being welcome to/included in.  You don’t tell the mom of one of your kid’s classmates that you went out to dinner with a half dozen other moms from the class because that would feel exclusionary.  But you’re really saying you wouldn’t mention to a friend that you’re going to your Aunt Gertrude’s retirement party because your friend might be hurt not to have been included in a party for someone they’re never even met and have no connection to?[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics