Reply to I regret having kids. I don't like being a mom. And it's affecting my marriage

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - thank you for all of the replies. Sorry I couldn't respond earlier, for some reason I can't access DCUM unless I'm on a computer/laptop.

[b]As for why I had a second child....well, I was on leave with my first for many years. I loved that time with my oldest. I did so many things with them and really embraced parenting. Then,  I went back part time and had a miscarriage. That experience alone was really hard but it made me feel sad that my oldest wouldn't have a sibling. So had a second but I transitioned to full time work after they were born. 
[/b]
These feelings of regret (perhaps too harsh a word) are relatively new. I do think pandemic parenting was super hard on me. I barely could keep my head above water with work and dealing with a pre-reader, sitting for all of their zoom sessions made me feel crazy. And interestingly, DH was (and still is) home 24/7. All of the sudden, all of the parenting things that I did (activities, shuttling the kids around, play dates, playing) were now being kind of picked apart by DH. He has ever the ready criticism on how things could be different or how I should have scheduled things differently. So I think I started to resent it and took a back seat. Let him figure it out for a while.

Now with no return to the office for him, he has firmly slid into the role of "all things parenting" and volunteers A LOT for various things for the kids. I still do some stuff but not as much anymore. I do try to incorporate the kids in activities I enjoy - cooking, hiking, walking, crafts. But he spends a lot of time at their school and insists they have very full schedules of activities (I prefer them to be less scheduled).

All of this is to say that DH sees what he does for the kids and thinks I need to do the same. I don't have the same flexible schedule as he does. I don't WANT to organize projects for their classes. I still manage to get to their schools for some stuff but apparently, it's not enough.

Of course I haven't said this to DH or the kids. I have told DH that it isn't fair for him to characterize my time with the kids as "not enough". I don't know if he heard that message though. [/quote]

As a CFBC woman,[b] I find women who deliberately choose to have children and then complain about them to be truly hilarious. [/b][/quote]

+1  :lol: [/quote]

What is so funny? Do you never regret choices you made or complain about choices you made? Do you never regret a relationship or a choice of job or choice about friendship? If so, have you ever talked or complained about the situation?

One reason people have kids is that they don’t realize what they are getting into, in part because parents are shamed about not liking parenthood or having regrets. What if people who regretting going to law school were not allowed to complain about it or talk about how they regretted it, lest they be ridiculed? We would have a lot more people making a bad choice.

But yeah, haha funny, moms complaining about very difficult circumstances, soooo funny. [/quote]

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