Reply to Making SAHM get job to pay for private school

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Making SAHM get job to pay for private school"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I think its a great idea for your wife to go back to work.  Clearly you are not a particularly nice person and would probably leave her high and dry in a divorce and she needs a back up plan.

With that said, if she goes back to work, she will have little to no leave.  Are you prepared to do all the doctor/dental appointments? Are you prepared to take of for half days and  teacher work days?  Are you prepared to make child care arrangements for summers, spring break and winter break.  Are you prepared to take off at a moments notice to pick up  your sick chid from school?  Are you prepared to be at home 10-14 days if they get covid?  Are you prepared to be home early to drive you kids to every activity?  No including, the cooking, cleaning and other household duties.  And, how much do you think it would cost to hire a full-time nanny?

You make a fortune.  I don't get it.

If we made what you did there is no question our kids would be in private.  The publics are a hot mess right now.[/quote]

Does anybody read?? Ops kids are entering teenage years. What is wrong with y’all!![/quote]

Everything Pp wrote applies to teenagers. You think an 11 year old can drive themselves to activities, drive home when sick, and cook their own dinner?[/quote]

Wtf are you talking about??

[b]Another woman who just does not want to work. [/b]

Newsflash most families have two working parents who get all of those things you mentioned done for their children. The binary thinking from some of you is sad af.[/quote]

I am a woman who works. I even out-earn my H.

You're not understanding the point. The point is not that OP's wife shouldn't work. The point is that OP needs to consider how her working will impact his life, lifestyle. and career, and decide if those trade-offs are worth it to him. He will have to make sacrifices in his job, his personal life, hobbies, etc. He won't get to come home and unwind after work, he'll have to pitch in. He'll have to take days off work for sick kids. He'll have to make sure he leaves the office by a certain time to get his kids to their activities. He can say good-bye to any hobbies he has, won't be able to participate in them much anymore.

It's delusional for OP to think his wife will work AND continue all of the SAHM duties, and equally delusional to think children in middle school require little to no care. 
[/quote]

Fine, but then the kids can stay in public and she can continue not working. [/quote]

That's not how marriage works. OP very obviously views himself as the boss and his wife as a subordinate - his words are "making" her pay, "forcing" the issue, he wants to "sneer" at his wife. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, where you listen to each other, value the things your spouse values, and work together to figure out a solution.

A healthy solution for OP would be:

- Having conversations with his wife about why private school is important to her with a very, very open mind. 
- Letting go of his obvious resentment for his wife and view her as an equal partner
- Letting go of his own baggage of outperforming the "Ivies" (who probably never even think about him and may very well have happier marriages and lives than he does). This seems to be the biggest issue, it's not that OP can't afford the school, it's that he has resentment towards people who went to better schools than him.
- Valuing his wife's opinion as equally as his own and acknowledging that she likely has good reasons for wanting their kids in private school.
- Working together to come up with a solution. This could look like many things. Maybe OP's wife goes back to work. Or maybe they figure out other ways they can budget for school, such as downsizing to a smaller home, downsizing their cars, taking fewer vacations, spending less on eating out, etc. On a salary of $500k, there's probably a way to find the $30k for school if you cut out some other things. Or, if OP was planning to retire at 50, realizing that 3 extra years of working until 53 is worth the trade-off. Or OP could look for opportunities to advance his career and make the extra money, if he's interested in developing his career more. [/quote]

It's clear this is a marriage with a lot of toxicity, but you are excusing the wife's disdainful treatment of OP entirely. She didn't bother to have a respectful conversation with him either. She didn't ask him how he would feel about working an extra three years, she just demanded it. It is remarkably toxic to demand someone else's work like that.

I don't disagree that marriage should not work that way, but you are constructing a narrative where OP is entirely at fault here, and that's clearly not the case. [/quote]

We have no idea what OP's wife has done or said, because she's not here telling her side.

Regardless, OP is the one here trying to find a solution. If he gets into a power struggle with her and tries to force his decision, it will not help their marriage and will very likely cause more damage.

If he just wants a magic phrase or action to force his wife into submission, well, he's gonna have a difficult marriage and life ahead of him.

If he wants to preserve his marriage and find a solution that works for both of them, then the advice still stands. An open-minded, non-judgmental conversation. [/quote]

We know that OPs wife has demanded that he work for three more years against his will. That's extremely toxic behavior, and I don't understand why you won't acknowledge that.[/quote]

LOL did she point a gun at his head and make him hand over a check?[/quote]

[I]That's [/I]your standard for bad behavior?  :shock:

It is insane to me the contortions that women on this thread are going into to justify the behavior of OPs wife. No wonder there are so many broken marriages and affairs. I'm a woman who has both stayed home and worked, in a great marriage, and I cannot imagine treating my husband the way OPs wife has. [/quote]

Are you kidding me? You're the one who said she demanded he work for three more years against his will. I cannot see one sentence that justifies that kind of hyperbolic characterization of the situation. Sounds like she really wants her kids to go to public school and is asking her husband for it. Maybe you can call that "bad behavior" (I wouldn't) but how on earth is that demanding he do something against his will?[/quote]

Where do you think the money will come from? Magic money fairies? OPs wife wants something that will require him to work at least three more years. He doesn't want to work the extra time. How is that [I]not[/I] demanding he work against his will?

I feel like this thread has given me insight into why so many men have affairs. The entitlement of the women on this thread is something else. You don't just get to demand someone else works years more for a luxury good that you aren't willing to work for. It is insane behavior. [/quote]

Do you know what "against his will" means? It is wild that you aren't backtracking on that language. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics