Reply to Would I be a jerk if I backed out of my family member’s bachelorette party?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, between flight, housing and transportation you are already at $2000. And you haven't eaten a single thing, visited a single winery, etc. I would expect to spend another $1500-2000 for that stuff.

Can you afford a $4000 trip? If not, back out. Don't make your decision based on whether you'll get back the $800 or not - consider it a sunk cost if you can't recoup. But don't throw away another $3000 chasing it.

Under no circumstances should you go into any sort of debt for this. In other words, if you would have to put any of this on a credit card, don't go. Only go if you can pay for the whole thing in cash (symbolically of course - don't actually take $4000 in cash). [/quote]

The $800 is a sunk cost - you (stupidly) agreed to it, and sent the money before you had an idea of the trip cost. In theory, I agree with those that say you should have known this was going to be an expensive trip. You all haven’t even discussed food yet. Based on the way they are planning lodging and transportation, it’s going to be $$$.

As someone that has been the planner (I ALWAYS give costs up front) for various groups, I despise when people back out because the organizer usually ends up eating that money. I’m still salty about the ticket to a football game a friend never paid for. Not a soul volunteered to split the cost with me. People generally do not understand how this works until *they* do the planning for the group.

[/quote]

This is on the organizer, not OP[/quote]

This.

If you’re not organized and not be transparent that all of the attendees will be paying for the bride expect for people to back out. [/quote]

The cost of the lodging is not on the organizer at this point. The organizer sent an email saying the lodging would be $X, and I need $Y from each person by Z date. OP sent the money, which meant she agreed to the cost of the lodging. OP could have backed out at that point, or said she wasn’t comfortable committing to anything at that point without an itinerary or an idea of what the other costs would be. She did not do that, and sent the money. It’s sunk cost - they are not going to send it back.[/quote]

Wrong. OP said the organizer sent a text the same day saying I need $800 by this afternoon and that when she disclosed where they were going in the same message. There was only a few hours turnaround to collect money and to let people know the details =disorganized. I’ll say it again, if you’re disorganized and spring things on people last minute expect people to back out. [/quote]

And if you back out of something after paying for it expect not to get that money back [/quote]

Exactly. Don't say yes and agree to something without knowing the details. I would be outraged too, but would understand (even though I wouldn't like it) that I made a bad decision (going along with a plan with only partial details). Yes the message to deposit the $800 was high pressure, but so are telemarketing calls that are trying to empty your bank account. Just because someone is loudly demanding your money doesn't mean you have to cooperate.

If they offer the $ back then great, but I wouldn't expect it. Especially not from a bride entitled enough to plan a luxury vacation for herself that she is fine with her friends sponsoring. You can, however, cut your losses and refuse to commit to further expenses.

You have to update us, OP! What did you decide to do?[/quote]

Why do people keep insisting the organizers have every right to extort people and then keep their money? OP has every right to ask for it back and if the organizers say no then that just shows there are money grubbing a-holes. Yuck. Pay for your own vacations and don't fleece others. I guess we know what kind of people volunteer to plan such ridiculous trips.[/quote]

x10000

They keep saying OP should’ve asked for details before giving $800 for the  air bnb so now she should just accept the cost as a lesson learned. I bet all of my money that even she had asked and they gave her some details they would’ve still kept adding costly unknown expenses after the fact leaving OP back to where she is now. Clearly the organizer has no regard for others. 
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