Reply to Whitman Teacher and Crew Coach Arrested

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This stuff seriously terrifies me.

My daughter is only in MS, but is a serious sports nut. I realize these scenarios can happen with teachers, but I feel like there are fewer/more easily crossed boundaries with coaching and other extracurricular activities.

(Also, how can any parent be unaware of grooming in this day and age? Blown away by PPs who seem surprised by this.)[/quote]

[b]They groom the parents, too. They know who really wants to get their kid a scholarship, so they play up how talented the kid is, offer special help. They know who is overwhelmed with work or family responsibilities, and they offer rides to practice or tournaments/meets/games. They build up trust in small ways over a period of moths or years, and break down the usual parental radar a little at a time. [/b]

You’d never let your daughter ride with an adult male you’d just met, of course. But it’s different when you’ve known him for years, he’s been so helpful getting her into special programs and camps, you’ve never seen anything from him to cause concern, and anyway Larla from the team will be riding with him, too. It’s not until later you find out Larla mysteriously “cancelled.”

Predators play the long game. Manipulating people is part of the thrill for them. [/quote]

+1000 Predators groom parents. As parents of the Wootton football team discovered last year, a predator can also be of the same gender.

Parents need training to spot and report warning signs.  All criminal activities should be reported to the police first but warning signs of predatory behavior occur before the criminal offense. That’s the opportunity to step in and protect a child before he/she is sexually abused.

* private texting should be reported

* any offers of special gifts or favors should be reported

* parents should transport their kids, students drive, or a bus is used to transport athletes. Students should never be in the personal vehicle of a coach.

* report anything outside the employee code of conduct

Predators migrate to MCPS because they can survive for decades in the system before an arrest is made.  Many sketchy bad apples that MCPS knows about are still in the system.  They got caught with doing the things above. Instead of being fired, MCPS just told them to stop.[/quote]
Yes, 100% to the bolded above. Btw, instead of using the threatening method (of withholding opportunities, or promising future opportunities only if victims complied) he made the girls feel special, exceptional as athletes, teammates--and/or as young beauties. This is a different but likely very common m.o. than using threats...and everything seems very rosy from the teen's/parents' viewpoint. What parent would not initially be flattered and approving of their teen's athletic talents getting attention/encouragement from the coach?

But this article by Malcolm Gladwell, from the New Yorker, is one of the most compelling I've read on the subject. https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2012/09/24/in-plain-view Although it's mainly about abusers of younger children, you will likely recognize parallels to this Wheaton Case. In the article, one expert describes a predator's process of very gradually testing the boundaries to see what objections are raised...and identify which targets will work best. This sentence sticks out: "[u]Children of vigilant parents are [judged by the predator as] too risky.[/u]"

But what to do about the predators lurking in the system already, who continue to pose a danger? It sounds like MCPS is wary of any non-airtight accusations of wrongdoing, perhaps wanting to give [other, innocent] teachers/staff the security of not being falsely accused. This isn't good at all--when things are reported, I'm guessing that in a large proportion of cases, even if the wrongdoing was vague (e.g. teacher touched a kid's body part) when someone reports it, it's a genuine indication of sexual predation; most kids and parents can know in their guts whether something is off or wrong.

How about if complaints about MCPS teachers/staff are redirected straight to the police? Can't the police ensure confidentiality while they do some basic investigation and take an anonymous record of the complaint? Couldn't the victims be assured that their complaint is confidential ? And if the police see a pattern of complaints over time, say, couldn't they lean into it and investigate more proactively? 
I think predators are banking on victims self-censoring as well as not knowing that they are part of a pattern. But if people were to get into the habit of reporting (to the police) episodes where a teacher/staff member's behaviors made their kids feel uncomfortable, the police investigators could be the one to connect all the dots and identify the need to investigate. Similar to the Harvey Weinstein situation...once victims realized they were not alone, they were willing to speak out and be part of a collective body of evidence. An "accidental" brushing against a body part may seem too gray an area for pressing charges, but if a parent reports it confidentially, wouldn't it (esp with 1+ other parental reports) give clues to the investigation that something's up with that teacher?[/quote]

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