Reply to I will never understand why nice couples with children get divorced out of nowhere

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Reply to "I will never understand why nice couples with children get divorced out of nowhere"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The first two replies nailed it.

There’s so little benefit to sharing serious marital woes. I recently read that most people can sustain sympathy for 3 days. After that, you are burdening them. Also everyone has a different threshold for what they think is bearable. [/quote]

I don't think telling people about the reason is the same as complaining all the time. [b] You can just say the reason for the divorce is XXX.  [/b]Not sure there has to be drama behind it.[/quote]

But I don’t owe you that information.[/quote]

I think if you don't want to say it for personal reasons, no problem.  It wouldn't bother me.

The issue is when many women on here feel they can't say because it makes them look crazy/unbelievable/not good for kids.  It's the agency that's important.  I see posts of on here shame others for saying something like that and that is what I'm talking about. [/quote]

DP, and a woman FWIW. I think in cases of abuse, some frankness is important so that other parties do not inadvertently expose the child to abuse because they believe a spouse is being wrongly disenfranchised. But outside of that narrow scope of cases, it is bad for children for marital woes to be aired out publicly in their community. Maybe this  situation more frequently benefits dad, but it is true. If someone chooses to go nuclear and tell everyone in their neighborhood that their husband slept with the nanny, that is AWFUL for the kids. She shouldn't do it. She was wronged yes, but that doesn't excuse hurting her kids as well. And I really think less of parents of any stripe that engage in this revenge/smearing because all they are doing is satisfying a base need for revenge while injuring their kids.

You have kids, you have an obligation to protect them. I don't think that is sexist. And I think this is just as true for men as it is for women. No one is saying you CAN'T smear your ex, they are saying you shouldn't. Because even if they suck, they are still your kid's parent and the kid will still love them even if it is complicated. [/quote]

+1[/quote]

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