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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Start by being more sympathetic with your daughter. Out of her half and step siblings, mom, dad, step non, and step dad looks like she is the only one who suffers financially.[/quote]

OP here. I am sympathetic and have told her that many times. But I don’t know what else I can do for her. She’s 17. I’m feeling like a failure as a parent given how she’s been acting ever since we had the official college talk. She told one of her step sisters that she only got into a prestigious liberal arts college because she’s a legacy, full pay, her father made donations to get her into a fancy private high school, etc. I felt sick when I heard about that. She’s going to ruin her relationship with them if she keeps going on this way. She should be mature enough to understand that she has no entitlement to her step fathers money.[/quote]

I think you are repeating words your wealthy husband told you to avoid supporting your child.

You married a man a few years ago - so what - when your daughter was 14?  [b]14 is young enough to expect a blended family to be an actual family.  The deal you made with your husband sucks and Your daughter is paying the price.  [/b]If you wanted to live separate financial lives, you should  have not gotten married.  Your daughter likely would find it easier to get aid.  [b]You should  be mature enough to understand you made a choice that really sucks for her.[/b]  You married a man that has no desire to be her father.  [/quote]

NP -- These three comments above very insightful. She is not fully part of either family unit -- OP's with a step-dad and kids her age who are essentially living a different lifestyle,  or her Dad's, in which her half siblings also seem to be living a somewhat different lifestyles.  Two families, which are rich in comparison to her and her prospects, each one with one of her parents, and she's doesnt fully belong to either.

And it isnt just "happenstance."  OP made decisions (whom she married and whatever agreements they made about how they would handle money) that benefit herself yet penalize her DD's ability to pay for college (she could have qualified for aid if the OP wasnt married to a well-off DH).

So the daughter is lashing out at the unfairness of it all (and that her mother wont even ask her husband for a small contribution).  And OP is worried about her daughter "permanently" damaging her relationship with her step-sisters and about being embarrassed in front of her new rich family.  (as yes, the daughter has undoubtedly picked-up on that as well).  The part that probably hurts her the most is that the OP wont even try doesnt have to be full tuition, but a even a contribution would feel like someone cared.

[/quote]

+1
 
OP, I hope you are still reading this thread and reflecting on the other points of view being expressed.  It’s deeply troubling that you saw no problem with putting your DD in a situation at age 12 where she is treated like a second class citizen in her own home and expected to be grateful for it.  While it may only be “a few years” in the scheme of your life, by the time your DD graduates high school, she will have spent a third of her life living with her stepdad.  (My own mom remarried when I was 12.  My bio dad and my stepdad each paid for half of my college.)
 
If you and your DH were to divorce, would your attitude be “oh well, we’ve always kept our finances separate.  I guess it’s time to go back to pinching pennies and barely get by.”  I’m guessing you would view his money as your money and go after half.
 
You should really let your DH know that you’ve done some reflecting and think DD has been treated unfairly.  Show him this thread.  I think you may still have time to repair the relationship if you care to.[/quote]

There’s no way OP is showing her DH this thread. Ten to one she’s signed a prenup which is why she’s so focused on not rocking the boat and keeping DH and the stepchildren happy at the expense of her daughter. She doesn’t want to jeopardize her own gravy train.[/quote]

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