Reply to Everything was great for 6 months and then family finds out and boom: he ends it. Advice?

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Reply to "Everything was great for 6 months and then family finds out and boom: he ends it. Advice?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He must have known about the arranged marriage all along, I’m pretty sure the process took more than four months. It’s just that he couldn’t keep lying to both of you. It must have been hard letting go of his side piece. The text he sent were for his ego or else he would have responded.

It’s sad that men from conservative cultures think that only women from their cultures are worthy of respect and commitment.[/quote]

He knew he could always do an arranged marriage. He told me when we broke up his family would start looking. My hunch is they started looking as soon as they found out about me in late November so they were probably lining up options while convincing him to break up with me all of December. I think he agreed to pursue it in February. Late Jan he told me he was considering it. In March he said he was probably doing it for sure and it would be accelerated (probably due to his age or to stop the risk of him wanting to get back together with me). They may have started sending him options then. These things can be agreed upon fast. My guess is that an engagement was April or May.

I do not think he knew he was ultimately going to agree to an arranged marriage until he broke up with me. I think it happened fast because I was a threat to the family because I was a problem they had to solve because he said I was his girlfriend and they had to make sure that problem went away and needed to marry him off immediately. He never wanted an arranged marriage before…he told me he could have done it for the past 15 years. But I think he changed his mind when he realized they were not going to accept any other kind of marriage. I think he was super naive about that (I asked on the first few dates if that expectation was over.) He had said he expected backlash about dating me but not that bad. I think it took the reaction to make him finally consider and agree to an arranged marriage. I think he should have done this years ago if he was going to ultimately do it that way.

It is annoying that when he asked me to be his girlfriend in July and he could sense my hesitation, he said this was not just a physical thing for him. He also said (to make me feel okay being exclusive): “let’s enjoy our time together…love and commitment” can come later.

I truly believe he was not thinking of doing an arranged marriage ever. I think their reaction to be changed his mind. He should have known his family better and himself of how he would handle dating an American. I do not think he was lying about his feelings about me…I do not think he would have told them at all about me if they were not real. I think he changed his mind with the pressure. I do not know how he could be happy doing this so fast but who knows…maybe he will be. Not my concern now though. [/quote]

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