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[quote=Anonymous]You do need to know your limits, and honestly, you need to know the limits of your siblings (if any).

Both my parents are now dead, and I do not have in-laws, so I don't have a lot of skin left in the game. I do have some painful experience, and I have seen the dynamic a lot as a professional in a medical field.

Honestly, for certain family dynamics -- parents are either very controlling and angry about talking about end of life preparation, or are completely in denial and refuse to have the discussions, or have one who is controlling and one in denial/submissive to the control of the other -- I think if you are the caregiver type, you should plan to move farthest away of the siblings. The default always goes to the one living closest, and often that is a daughter (sometimes son) who has been involved in her parents' lives.

But if you have brothers or other intrusive family who will blame you while you run yourself ragged, if you are the caregiver type and it is this kind of setup -- move away before they really need you. Draw the line in the sand. It NEVER goes well for anyone, including the parents. Save up money and contribute costs, fly in for short bits when you can, but don't shoulder it.

That advice would change if your parents are willing to realistically talk about end of life plans, or make plans with that in mind (even if you don't agree), or it you are an only child, etc. But it's that particular specific context of 1) aggressive denial, 2) others who won't help but who will expect you to, automatically, and 3) a giving nature which is a tornado of suck for everyone.  [/quote]

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