Reply to My adult step-daughter wants to move in with us

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is why I never want to get divorced. My children will always be welcome in my home.[/quote]

Drug use? Drug dealing?
Nothing but online all day, every day, in their rooms or the basement, hoarding dirty plates or leaving them in the living room to clean?
Stealing from family members? Having friends over that steal?
Recurrent verbal or physical abuse of you?
All this while refusing to attend therapy or admit there is a problem?

I mean, you can say MY children would never do that, so I wouldn't be in that position, but this ignores that even the best kids from the "best families" can deal with mental health issues, including depression (sometimes turned outward as anger), anxiety, addiction.

It's easy to make blanket statements. They sound nice and make you feel good, even superior, and they don't get challenged, until they do.[/quote]

why would you throw someone out on the streets who was suffering from addiction or mental illness? that makes your support even more necessary.  a biological parent cannot (should not) wash their hands of them in that situation.  actual legal or physical endangerment of the household is a separate issue. [/quote]
DP..If they don't want the help to get off drugs, what will you do? Just keep enabling them?  If they have severe mental health issues, would you not want them to seek treatment? What if they don't want to? You would just let the drug addict live freely in your home, with no job, just doing drugs all day? They will eventually end up stealing from you or someone else to buy drugs.  There's such a thing called tough love.

I lived at home while I was going to college and after I graduated. But I moved out as soon as I got a job.  OP's stepdaughter is being pressured by her mom to get a job, and that's why she wants to move out.  We don't know how hard she's trying.  If I see my kids really trying, being open to suggestions, etc.. then I would of course, let them live with me while they look.  But, if they are not, then no.  IMO, a parent's job is to teach their kids to become independent when they become adults, and that means teaching them that you need a job in order to survive.

Every single one of my four siblings and I had to figure it out because we were low/middle income.  My one sibling taught both her daughters to become self sufficient; another sibling didn't teach her son this, and now he still lives at home at 29 and doesn't have a job. She coddled him his whole life, then suddenly expected him to figure it out on his own when he became an adult.  Too late by then. That journey starts before they leave for college.[/quote]

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