Reply to My adult step-daughter wants to move in with us

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is why I never want to get divorced. My children will always be welcome in my home.[/quote]

Drug use? Drug dealing?
Nothing but online all day, every day, in their rooms or the basement, hoarding dirty plates or leaving them in the living room to clean?
Stealing from family members? Having friends over that steal?
Recurrent verbal or physical abuse of you?
All this while refusing to attend therapy or admit there is a problem?

I mean, you can say MY children would never do that, so I wouldn't be in that position, but this ignores that even the best kids from the "best families" can deal with mental health issues, including depression (sometimes turned outward as anger), anxiety, addiction.

It's easy to make blanket statements. They sound nice and make you feel good, even superior, and they don't get challenged, until they do.[/quote]

why would you throw someone out on the streets who was [b]suffering from addiction or mental illness[/b]? that makes your support even more necessary.  a biological parent cannot (should not) wash their hands of them in that situation. [b] actual legal or physical endangerment of the household [/b]is a separate issue. [/quote]

A. I said nothing about kicking them out. That's your answer, not mine. I merely asked about where to put boundaries and when to talk about them -- I came to no conclusions. But you did.

B. Unfortunately, these are often inextricably entwined.

My answer would be more along the lines of funding assistance, but not NECESSARILY in the same household. Inpatient therapy if indicated, or paying in advance for an apartment for a certain amount of time, or getting them set up in a group home, or whatever fits the situation. Mind you, as I said before, I am talking about hard cases, not easy ones.

I'm the one who worked my own way through school with multiple concurrent jobs. I've found it east to help young adults who are trying, whether I am related to them or not. I find it difficult to see the right course when young adults are self-destructive, but I know those cases exist too.

If you pretend you can treat all the situations with the same blanket approach, you are living in a fantasy land. [/quote]

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