Reply to I wish society didn't encourage people to put off having kids.

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Reply to "I wish society didn't encourage people to put off having kids."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I mean, I had my kids at 23 and 25. I spent nights or weekends working as a PA. DH worked in tech and we were stressed, exhausted, overwhelmed, had no support and just got by. I thought I was going to fall apart regularly until my youngest hit K and things seemed to get easier. So, I just think the combo of working, parenting, and lack of community/family support is a shitty one.

I do think it's strange being done with kids now. I'm 43 and my good friend just had her first at 41. I look at her life and am like whew...glad it's not me.

I do have to say we are still in the thick of supporting college kids and building our retirement, so it's not like we are chilling in the old folks home. We work the same as we always have before. DH travels more now, I join him when I can if it's a decent city he's working in, but I still work in the same ER I worked in when I was 24 and out of PA school.[/quote]

Yeah I think this is pretty standard.  I first met my now-DH when we were 22 and 23 respectively.  Had we hit it off then and dated/married/had a kid in quick succession, that kid wouldn't have seen DH much during its first 3-5 years thanks to back-to-back deployments.  I would've had to work whatever job I could find in the areas where DH was stationed, so probably not building either a stable career trajectory or a decent saving/retirement account (and obviously not likely to be near family support).  Instead, we started dating at 26/27, married at 29/30, first kid at 31/32, and we're stable and comfortable.  Our parents are all roughly the same age, but health-wise, only one set is likely to see our kid grow up beyond elementary school.[/quote]

What's standard? When I posted, I made the point that having children is hard, particularly when you are lacking in family/community support.

I made nearly 100K when I first was working as a PA. DH made a similar amount. So, we had money to support ourselves and weirdly were able to purchase a home and pay down loans, etc.

Oddly, my salary has sort of stagnated (I make around 150k), but DH now makes three times what I make in a good year -- he's in sales. In a bad one, he probably lands around where I am, though he's had blips of unemployment as well. [/quote]

I was agreeing/sympathizing with you - that couples who have kids early face not-insignificant challenges to keeping their heads above water.  Not that it's not doable, or that they don't come out the other side satisfied with their choices, just that there are likely to be fewer resources and therefore greater instability.[/quote]

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