Reply to I'm a SAHM and my husband won't let me send money to my teen son. Who's right?

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Reply to "I'm a SAHM and my husband won't let me send money to my teen son. Who's right?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I have had a similar situation in my own marriage.  All the kids are ours, no prior marriages.

However, in our case, I was raised UMC and my husband was raised working class by recent immigrants to the US.  Things that I took for granted that we would do for college aged children included:
1.  paying fraternity dues and sorority dues
2.  taking kids shopping for new clothing prior to going to college, new comforter set, towels, etc.
3.  getting each one a computer
4.  paying for junior year abroad
5.  giving them a small monthly allowance

My husband claims (and I don't know whether or not he is exaggerating) that he was not given anything new to take to college, that his treat was that once a semester he would go to Subway and split a sub sandwich with a friend, that he never left campus, that his parents never visited him at college, etc. etc. etc.

Unfortunately, he has some psychological baggage attached to his upbringing.  Even though we can afford to take good care of our children, he's like "i turned out fine and I had nothing.  therefore, our children don't need anything either."

Over the years, we have fought (and yes, we have had therapy) about whether the following things are necessary:  music lessons; summer camp; going away to college vs. living at home;  whether we should force children to major in only math and engineering (despite the fact that they have no innate ability in either subject); buying children clothing for college, camp, school etc.; allowances;  swim team; swimming lessons; whether they need computers, phones, etc.

It's exhausting!  He also expects them all to have paying jobs with benefits lined up that will begin the day after they graduate from college.  Still not sure how that's going to play out.

I completely understand OP's outlook, if she feels like she's the only thing that stands between her child and homelessness, etc.  I sometimes feel that way too.[/quote]

If you a take away the haggling about WOH ans SAHM, step and biological, this is the crux of their argument. She could get a job and he still won't want either of them to contribute money to her son or biological children because he simply doesn't agree with her that it's necessary. There isn't a right answer (although I'm on her side).

My parents could not afford those things listed above for me but would have in a minute if they could have. Still what they gave me was more than either of them got. I just don't understand the "I had to suffer without X, you should too" mentality toward kids. I want my children to have more than I did, just like my parents wanted for us.

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