Reply to Is it ok to host a birthday party but only ask a few of the kids to sleep over?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Whether it is ok or not, it is done ALL THE TIME from 6th grade on for girls and boys.  I have 4 kids, my youngest is in 6th grade.  5th grade seems to be the year this practice starts pretty consistently and it is always after a venue celebration.  So the kids go to a trampoline park, play for a couple of hours, have cake and pizza and always a small group is invited to a sleepover (usually 6 or less).  My kids are completely fine with this by the way.  They had a blast at the party and they understand that they are closer to some kids than others. So they get invited to some sleepovers and don't make the list for others.  It doesn't affect them at all.  The only instances when this was an issue that I an remember is when a friend of my daughter didn't invite one of her closest friends because of some tween drama.  The girl was really upset.  My oldest daughter one time hoped to be invited to a sleepover for a girl she really liked but it was a very new friendship and she was invited to the party, but not the sleepover.  I told her friendships need time to grow and that the other girl most likely had a cap for her sleepover and had cousins and older friends who she wanted to invite.  My daughter understood perfectly well.  The friendship did grow, they are inseparable now.  As they grow into adults, it is a good example to show them that they are not going to be invited to everything and that it is ok.  BTW, we have only done this once when my daughter had a huge pool party with 30 of her friends and she invited her 4 best friends to a sleepover.  [/quote]

I think we all can agree that four sleeping over out of a group of 30 is different than inviting 12 and telling half to go home.  Also, just because you are fine with it doesn't mean it isn't hurtful and mean.  Maybe you would like to go to only part of the party but, for me it is not ideal.  Just keep us off the list...any list if that is how you feel about us.[/quote]

[b]That's pretty sensitive[/b].  I'm the PP you responded to and I guess I'm not that sensitive and I'm trying to get my kids to have thicker skins because life can be unfair.  I can't imagine any of my kids been close friends with everyone.  If your child gets invited to a part of a birthday, at this age it is because the birthday kid likes your kid. You would rather your child not go to a party at all if they are not invited to the other part of the party?  Friendships are forged through time.  Even if I knew ahead of time if there would be a sleepover (and I did know plenty of times through other parents), I wouldn't want my children to miss a party that they wanted to attend and where they can hang out with friends. [/quote]

This. This right here. Totally agree, PP.[/quote]

Let me stop you right there.  I don't think this at all being too sensitive.  I suppose I should end this conversation because you are literally unable to see anyone else's side by your own.  But, I will try once more.

In my dd's situation all the kids knew each other for years.  This was not a situation where my kid was the new kid.  She was invited to part of the party and then found out that they weren't inviting her to the sleep over part.  Yes, it hurt my dd's feelings.  Yes, she got over it.  But, it would have been better not to have gone at all.  You got that right.

I find it hard to believe that you would be ok with being invited to a party, getting excited and then told to leave before the dinner party was over.  These girls are young.  Why can't they have the sleepover party a different night?  Why can't they just invite the 12 girls and call it a day?  After all, a few of you were saying "what's so special about sleepovers?"  So many choices and you choose to be mean  and then you add insult to injury and call us "too sensitive" and "snowflakes"

The world is mean enough why can't we teach kindness and be inclusive?[/quote]

You wait a minute. [b]Who is unable to see another side here?[/b] Look in the mirror. I'm sorry your DD had hurt feelings. And the family carried out their party in such a way that she was "told to leave before the dinner party was over."  That is not always how these things are carried out and other people are capable of being discreet. And how that was handled was not cool. [b]But, again, there are ways to do it that are more discreet[/b].

[b]I also fundamentally reject the idea that being "inclusive" means you have to be invited to all of the things that you want to be invited to.  Or that I have to include everyone to everything just because it makes your job as a parent harder to explain or discuss why your daughter may not have been invited. Because that's what you're saying. And that is unreasonable and wrong.[/quote]
[/b]

I'm the pp.  Of course I understand yours side but, I was explaining MY side to you.  This is my recap of your side:

It is easier to have the sleepover and party on the same day

My dd wants to have a big party ( and maybe get more gifts but, maybe not)

It teaches the excluded kids to be tough and not be so sensitive.  Hey, you should be happy that we invited you at all.  Isn't that what you are saying?  Correct me, please if I am worng.

What I am not saying is your bolded.  You have ever right not to invite my dd.  But, if you have a separate party after the party don't pretend you are doing my kid a favor or a life lesson.  Just don't invite her!  Also, if you are so proud of what you are doing why be discreet?  What are you ashamed of?

Lastly, I handled the rejection just as you wished.  We haven't mentioned it since then and she is 20 so we have long got over it.  But, it is still mean and wrong.

Life is unfair cupcake and you can't get everything you want.

[/quote]

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