Reply to my wife's thin skin

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Shy are you not willing to say what her trigger was? Sounds like it's something that shows you off in a bad light; something that you should not have been doing in the first place and that justified her behavior towards you.  You should mention what it is or you come off as being in the wrong, yet you still blame her for not telling you what it was.  Sounds like you should have known not to do it.[/quote]

Yes, I will share. My family -- all of us -- often crack jokes about each other. There are no limits. Nothing is sacred and it is a lot of fun. A good sense of humor is one of my wife's best traits, and my children have it, too. Sometimes, the jokes involve stereotyping each other's backgrounds. However, my wife says that, during some arguments, I've tossed in a joke (in an effort to lighten the mood) that she felt was actually intended to be hurtful. I don't recall ever intentionally trying to hurt my wife, emotionally, but perception is reality, and I could feel the sincerity in her voice when she spoke about this issue. So I will be extra careful to use words that are not hurtful.

I've asked my wife to not let her concerns fester and accumulate. I've asked her to tell me immediately when I do something that upsets her. I cannot read her mind. I think this is where culture entered the picture and contributed to our problems ... directness, in a marriage, is not part of her culture.

But I think our marriage needs more directness and transparency in order to reduce the tension and confusion that has periodically affected us. I'm not a madman  or a tyrant who wants to make my wife miserable. I want her to be happy. A household cannot be happy unless all of its members are happy, in my view. We are all bound together.[/quote]

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