Reply to MIL mad that we want to host Thanksgiving

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Is it just his parents? Who else is invited?[/quote]

OP here. I should have mentioned—BIL and his wife and two kids are coming and staying overnight. DH’s single cousin is coming, he can bring friends if he wants. DH aunt and uncle also coming. DH’s parents could also stay overnight with us if they choose to. We also have 2 kids.[/quote]

[b]Your MIL is being silly. She can tell her friends that times are changing and she will be going to your house this year. [/b]

Don’t push on your end though—let her sons be the ones to get her the rest of the way on this. “Mom, are you really not going to come see all of us? C’mon, we still want you to make your famous pecan pie (or whatever).”[/quote]

Yes, your MIL is engaging in magical thinking that if she doesn't host that her friends can not figure out something else to do that day.  Amazingly they can and will even if that means they stay at home which btw may be exactly what they want to do.

Personally, I hate Thanksgiving and we never host.  I would be fine if no one invited us either because I would love the day to stay at home, hang out, do nothing, and no big cooking to do.[/quote]

True, the friends could find something else to do, but some people really like traditions. Some people really like celebrating holidays the same way every year- that's the definition of a tradition.

Sure, you can do new things and some people like to do new and different things every year, but some families really get a sense of warmth and comfort from gathering together in the same place, with the same people year after year. Different families and friend groups like to do different things.

One is not better than the other, but it's not entirely fair to try to push a family you've married into to change because you want them to. It's one thing if I want my mom and dad to do things differently and I push them to do what I'd like better, but it would be entirely different for me to try to get my spouse's parents to give up one of their traditions. That's not really my call in the way it might be with my own family of birth. 
[/quote]

Exactly. OP is not just bowing out of Thanksgiving at MILs for the year - she declared herself hostess for all her inlaws. [/quote]

OP here and nope, not true. We have said we are staying here. Others are welcome and invited. But we know and invitation is not a summons, and they can do as they please with no fear of guilt trips or moaning and groaning from us. If they all end up at MIL's, so be it. We will still come to her for some holidays, but not ALL. We are over ALL holidays being command performances at her house.[/quote]

"we" or you? you really are coming off as having a grudge against your MIL without really explaining why she deserves it. [/quote]

We. As in my husband and I.

You can try to say I have more issues with her, but I don’t. We truly get along. B[b]ut WE are over her monopoly on holiday hosting, which WE have put up with for seven years[/b].[/quote]

I seriously, seriously doubt your DH is going around complaining that his mom has a "monopoly on holiday hosting."  This is YOU, and your DH is going along with it.  Also how can she have a "monopoly on hosting" if you only spend every other holiday there?  What does she do to enforce this monopoly on EVERY SINGLE holiday?  Why did you have to "host" the entire traditional event, as opposed to just saying "MIL we are staying home this year"?  Why couldn't you host your own family next year?  [/quote]
1. Her DH might not be saying the monopoly on hosting thing but he might not want to have to schlep to his mothers every holiday when he could stay in his own home. That’s the type of thing my DH would complain about...
2. Also why do ppl on here infantilize men so much? Her husband is a grown up if he doesn’t agree with her then he could certainly use his words to say so. [/quote]

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