Reply to DW work is impacting our marriage - looking for advice from the smart people of DCUM

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[quote=Anonymous]This is so familiar to me that if I didn't know my husband wasn't the type to read or post to DCUM in a million years I would swear it was him.  I mean right down to the number of years we both stayed home.

If he said this to me here's what I would honestly respond:

I understand and I know. I'm not unaware there's an imbalance right now and I know I have to find the groove and am trying. I will get there. But right now, I am establishing myself in my career after an absence and that takes dedication and time. I love having an identity again outside of wife and mom and I don't want to feel bad for enjoying that. Excelling at my job means something to me. I appreciate how much you've stepped up to fill the gap that was created when I went back to work. I sometimes come home at 8 pm and do dishes and clean up so I get that it's exhausting and it's hard for both of us.

But I can't be expected to leverage my happiness and satisfaction and career because in order for me to have those things, you temporarily have to cook more and have less sex. You're saying that your sex life is more of a priority than my long-term success at a career I love and am great at. And that's deeply unfair. 
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