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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]I'm one of the men who isn't happy about my wife not taking my name[/b] but I married her despite her plan to keep her name

We are a happy couple despite our disagreement on this issue

[b]Does that make me a misogynist?[/b]

A lot of the meaner/snarkier comments from men are responding to women telling them (us) we are insecure, man children, whiny boys, bitches, pathetic etc[/quote]

No, but it does mean you should check your thinking about men, women, and patriarchy.[/quote]

Was going to write this.  You may not be a "misogynist" technically.  But having negative feelings towards your wife about her refusal to do something that you would not do, in each case because of longstanding gender norms,..... well, it certainly doesn't make you a good guy.  [/quote]

I am a woman who considers herself a feminist. This is BS. Relationships are complicated, what people envision for their families is complicated. I kind of wish my husband was more verbal, he tends to keep his emotions inside. It makes me a little sad that he is like this. We love each other a lot and we are very happy. But this thing about him does make me a little sad.

People you have relationships do things and you are allowed to have emotional reactions to those things without being called names. If PP isn't holding it against his wife or fighting with her about it then it is very dismissive to say he's not allowed to be disappointed that a vision for his future family that he's likely held since childhood isn't coming exactly true. We face these small disappointments all through our lives. Acknowledging that they happen doesn't make you a bad person. Treating another person badly due to that disappointment does.[/quote]Another feminist here who thinks you nailed it, pp.  +1[/quote]

What if the DH was disappointed that his daughter wanted to go to college and have a career, instead of preparing to be a stay at home mom? Because that's how women traditionally did things? But he kept these feeling to himself and didn't do anything with them?

Or what if he's disappointed his white daughter is dating a black guy? But doesn't say anything.

More extreme examples, but they certainly prove that some "emotional reactions" are absolutely entitled to derision from others.  I think if her DH has disappointment in his wife, even if he keeps it to himself, because she isn't operating in the bounds of old social norms based or gender (or race, or whatever), then, yeah, you can make some judgments about the DH.  [/quote]Two responses to this argument. 1) you can be anxious over your white kid dating a black guy and wish she wasn't doing it and still recognize that it's your problem not hers.  I think that's okay. 2) Or you can think your white kid shouldn't date a black guy because you hate blacks and not say anything.  And while I think that person should think differently about it, I'm so glad they're keeping it to themselves.  Better than being an out and out jerk about it.  But I see your point, pp.
[/quote]

I'm the 'this is bs' pp. This is a true slippery slope PP.

If I as a white woman feel a tingle of fear when I see a black guy walking behind me at night I have three choices. Confront the guy angrily, silently cross the street and walk as fast as I can, consciously acknowledge that I feel it, that feeling it isn't really a good reflection on me, use that self awareness to try to change a bit about how I think to try to lessen the odds of my having that reaction in the future.

I don't think people can control thoughts, I think they control how they learn and react from them. And just like above, if the man us holding this against his wife and fighting with her about it, that is bad. If it is a small sadness he lives with because it is contrary to beliefs he has held his entire life, then he is trying and isn't a bad person.

If the racist father secretly resents his daughter's relationship for years allowing it to erode their love, then he is a terrible person. If he acknowledges the feeling, feels it but doesn't act on it and goes on to have a good relationship with the SO then he's trying to be a good person.

I think a lot of fathers have felt the one about the daughter in the last couple of generations. Does that make them a bad person if they still support and love her and are engaged in her life and future? I don't think so. I think a lot of humans have dark thoughts. We are who we try to be through our actions far more than the base emotions and instincts we sometimes fight. [/quote]

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