Reply to Rant re DH's family

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[quote=Anonymous]We don't know what her therapists thought, but it seems OP leaves therapy too soon.  The only person qualified to diagnose her is a therapist who is working with her.  I hope that she will find a really good one and hang in there, not just for her own peace of mind, but especially for her children, whi deserve a healthy mother.

A huge area of contention between OP and her FIL seems to parenting philosophy because they seem to be polar opposites, with OP being very maternal and over-nurturing to the point of sacrificing self (works all the time and really wants a vacation, but all money goes to the college fund) and her FIL seeming to treat he DH as if he was his drill sergeant barking orders (DH cut off at ~18).  She resents FIL because he isn't as giving as she is and she's dug her heels in on this.  But fathers have a different role to play in raising children than mothers, and both are important.

What's odd though is that OP seems to be challenging her FIL, and not her DH. She is not her FIL's parenting partner, so she needs to step back; that's not her place.  DH is in the middle as if he was a child.

OP should appreciate that her ILs raised a son who turned out to be a person that she loves.   There is a middle ground to parenting, and in addition to counseling, OP and her DH should take parenting classes together to learn what that is, so that their children benefit from healthy parenting.  Children need both love and limits.  And while young children need nurturing, OP needs to keep in mind she is ultimately raising a new generation of adults who need to be independent and can stand on their own two feet.  They won't get there if she does everything for them.
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