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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your father sounds selfish. You sound selfish. I know way too many women around your mom's age who put themselves LAST their whole lives, and stayed in bad marriages with selfish, rather miserable men, and put their children first. Maybe she's finally thinking of herself, now that she is free. There's a lot you don't know about what she went through and what she gave up, in staying with your father and putting all of you first all these years. Please don't begrudge her.

Your father is no longer her responsibility. It's very, very difficult dealing with an aging, sick parent. Don't put it on your mother. She's done her time.

And I agree that there's a lot of sexism involved in this attitude that women have to be the eternal caretakers. [/quote]

This.[/quote]

AMEN SISTA!

This was my mother - always put herself last.  When money was tight, she made sure everyone else had clothing while she wore 10 -15 year old tops and jackets....  She took care of my dad as he was a man-child plus raised three kids.
She then took care of her aging parents until they passed away.  My dad was expecting her to care for HIS mother and she has refused. I think my mom is just emotionally exhausted and done caring for people over the last 40 years.  This has made my father quiet unhappy but I remind him, his mother is HIS responsibility and he can't order my mother like she is his secretary.

It is unfortunate your father is in this situation, but in a way he brought it upon himself by not fostering relationships so people would want to help him.

I have an aunt.  She has always been very encouraging and helpful to me.  I can see myself being willing to help her when she is old and help by choice not by expectation.

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