Reply to Son only cousin excluded from nephew's wedding

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP hasn’t mentioned the bride’s family at all. Is this wedding being put on by the bride’s family? My DH has a small family and I have a very large one. We had an 18+ cutoff because without it we would have had to invite 10 kids between the ages of 4 and 12 who are my much younger first cousins. If my DH had been like hey can we include my cousin Larlo who is 9, my mom would have been like we can’t include cousin Larlo while excluding the 10 young cousins on our side. Her big thing was the levels had to be equal. You can include young nieces and nephews while excluding young cousins because nieces and nephews are closer, but you can’t include some young 1st cousins while excluding other young 1st cousins. We had a capacity limit and couldn’t just add 10 young cousins without having to then exclude people that we were actually close to.

OP, this really isn’t a personal slight against you and you are centering yourself way too much in the planning of this wedding.  [/quote]

You each should be able to invite the same number of people outside parents and grandparents.[/quote]

I feel like there’s no right answer.  For me to invite just my siblings and their spouses and kids was like 25 people, plus I still had living grandparents.  My spouse had no grandparents and no siblings.  He had 2 cousins he sort of knew and a bunch more that he would not have recognized if he was standing in line with them at chipotle.  His parents wanted to invite all sorts of people that he literally did not know who they were — I was going down the list and he was like “no idea…doesn’t ring a bell.”  I just wasn’t interested in making my parents who were struggling financially pay for all those random people.  So our lists were not even close and I know my MiL was pissed about it.  But there were a lot of crappy hard decisions.  Like we invited my dad’s cousin who he was really close to, but could not invite their four kids — they came and were really gracious about it.  
I just feel like getting upset over this wedding stuff is understandable but not a reason to sever a relationship — weddings are like a weird moment out of time and people make decisions they wouldn’t make under different circumstances.  [/quote]

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