Reply to Son only cousin excluded from nephew's wedding

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My son is 9.  He has several cousins scattered around the country, with three living in Texas.  My oldest nephew, who I am closest to, is getting married in June.  The wedding is 16+.  All the other cousins will be able to attend, except my son.  I have given this nephew a lot of financial support and gifts in the past - probably 15k over the last ten years.  Now, I don't even want to go to the wedding because my kid is the only one from my nephew's side of the family being excluded.  Plus, if we travel for the wedding, we would have to find a sitter in a city far from home while everyone we know in the city is at the wedding.

I may be more sensitive to this because my son is an only child and I had hoped he would have strong ties with his cousins, though they are all a bit older than him.  But now I want to just cut go no-contact with this nephew.

Am I overreacting?  Should we go to the wedding and pretend we aren't offended?  Should the value of the wedding gift reflect how upset I am?[/quote]

I read a few pages of replies and I want to ask the people sticking by the age cutoff: if the groom or bride had a 9 yr old sibling, should they not include them or should they invite all the other little kids so they are not offended by the 9 yr old that they invited?

Not including close family bc of an age cutoff is dumb.

The only thing i can think of is that the bride and groom are total ifiots snd will hopefully outgrow their silliness, but it’ll be after the wedding of course. [/quote]
A groom’s 9 year old first cousin is not remotely the same as a 9 year old sibling of the bride or groom. Come on, don’t be obtuse. I think you can have some kids invited but not all as long as people are being treated equally. Including under 18 siblings of the bride and groom is fine, but it is also fine to say no under 18 first cousins, kids of friends, etc. [/quote]

I’m looking at the situation for what it is. It’s impossible that the bride and groom have 9 yr old first cousins galore. If they have such a large family with lots of first cousins then they’ll be one of those real tight kind of families. I don’t know how many ppl in the op’s generation, but if there are 4 extra per side with 3 kids each that is 24 first cousins. From these there can’t be that many under 16, so let’s say half = 12 under 16. That’s not that many ppl. Op should tell us how many under 16 are in the first cousin pool. If they’re not wanting to invite 2nd, 3rd, cousins, friends kids etc, it’s fine. Making a rule by age is stupid. The 9 yr old sibling example was an exaggeration yo illustrate how quickly an age based cutoff falls apart.

As op said she thought she was close with this nephew. Some of you think that $15k is nothing, and sure, it’s not exorbitant, and if you think that $15k is nothing then inviting some under 16s is not going to break your bank.

As op said, the affection and relationship is not the same on both sides. [/quote]

How is it impossible for a couple in their 20’s to have a bunch of kids under 16 who’d go to their weddings if kids in general were included?  They likely have peers who have kids by then, an certainly one side might have more first cousins than another.  My wedding is a ridiculous extreme example, but my husband has literally zero first cousins (he has only one aunt and she was childless) while my mom was one of six and my dad was one of sixteen, so I have more than 50 first cousins.  I can certainly see a couple having a handful on one side but 10-15 on the other side, plus kids of peers…that’s a LOT of kids.  [/quote]

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