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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
I think that what this is really about is this:

"My son is an only child and I had hoped he would have strong ties with his cousins, though they are all a bit older than him."

The reason you're upset is that you've realized that hasn't happened. They don't have an amazing, special, sibling-like bond as you'd hoped. He's just... their much-younger cousin. And it's TOTALLY reasonable to be really, really disappointed about that, and for this wedding to be the catalyst that makes you realize that what you'd hoped for (despite your efforts and financial support) has not come to fruition. We all have hopes, some spoken, some unspoken, some realistic, some not, that don't come true. And accepting that they haven't can be really hard and can even sometimes shatter our worldview in a way that's really hard to move past. But, especially when your hopes include expectations of other people that they haven't agreed to, or maybe haven't even known about, you need to let go and move on. There's an aspect to getting past those hopes that can include anger and grief. And I think that's where you are. And if you need a little time to fully get past it, that's okay. 
[/quote]

Op again - this is accurate.  Another part that hurts and isn't reflected is that this nephew in particular is the one cousin who does take an interest in my son.[/quote]

So it sounds EXTREMELY unlikely that this is some sort of purposeful exclusion of your child.  This nephew loves you, you have a good relationship with him, he goes out of his way to be kind to your son.  That’s great.  But he and his bride are making decisions that go way beyond your family.  Maybe she has 30+ cousins who are under 16 and maybe they have lots of friends who have young kids and they just don’t want to (or cannot afford to) include that large of a hoard.   16 seems like a very logical cutoff age to me…it’s legal driving age, the age of going to proms, wearing tuxedos, doing more formal things.  But NINE is a whole different story.

Can you imagine how awkward and horrible it would be if your 9 year old was included but all the kids of similar age of the couple’s friends and all of her extended family were not included?  How are they going to explain that?  “Well, yes, we said no kids, but he would have been the only first cousin on the groom’s side who was left out and also the groom’s aunt is really kind and generous and traveled from out of state so they are kind of extra special to us unlike your family.”

It’s really not personal, OP.  I know it feels thoughtless, but given your closeness with your nephew and his kindness to your son, it makes no sense that they are specifically excluding him.  They’re not.  It’s just a kid-free wedding.

Here’s what I would suggest.

First, this is a big family event and it’s your nephew…of course you should go!  Will there be other family gatherings over the wedding weekend?  In my family, we usually have a big dinner the night before, a breakfast the day of, a brunch the day after…Will there be other chances for your son to be with his cousins?  If so, I’d bring him and have him stay at the hotel while you are at the reception, but bring him along to all the other events.  Can you talk about that with your sister?  [/quote]

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