Reply to Guac and queso if you make over $450k

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We never get extras like that, but we make less than 150k. I feel like if we made over 450k, we'd splurge more often. But I do agree with making sure kids understand that extras cost more. A lot of kids don't get that at all because their parents have never explained it, and never put ANY limits on what they get based on cost. You can tell this in the behavior of a lot of kids.[/quote]

I don’t agree.  My parents didn’t put limits on stuff like this when I was a kid, but when I left their house and my food budget was $200/month, I figured it out.  
I mean, getting guac on my burrito didn’t make me stupid. I could still do simple math.  
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It's not just about learning to budget. It's about learning how the world works.

I have kids in elementary, and[b] it's very easy to tell the difference between the kids whose parents are teaching them that stuff costs money and that money is not infinite, versus the ones whose parents just buy them whatever without any discussion or reference to money.[/b]

I've watched 9 year olds tease a kid for not having an X-box, for never having been to Disney, for having the wrong shoes. They do this because they literally think the only reason not to have that stuff is being so uncool you don't know you should get it. Because for them, that's the only obstacle -- knowing about stuff they want. Once they know, they just tell their parents and their parents buy it. So the concept that a kid might know what an Xbox is, and want an Xbox, but not have one because his parents can't afford one, doesn't even cross their minds.

And people who grow up with that mindset carry it into adulthood, even after they learn how money works. I'm in my 40s and I still encounter people who will look at you just totally baffled because you don't have something they have. I've learned this is actually a good way to vet how down to earth someone is -- mention something you would like but note that it's just not in your budget right now. The way people react to that tells you a lot about them. The people who are just totally confused or try to argue with you about it (that's my favorite, the people who will sit there and explain that of course you can afford something, despite not knowing anything about your finances) are just clueless, and you have to be careful around them.[/quote]

How could you possibly know this? Unless you’re in the house with the parents observing how they’re raising their kids, you only ASSUME you know based on observations of the kids’ behavior. It’s a common assumption made by folks who don’t understand that kids are people.[/quote]

DP here. I disagree. I can definitely see a difference between kids who have been raised to know the value of a dollar vs those whose parents just buy them whatever they want. I've been out with those kids and things they will order or ask for when I am entertaining them is sometimes a bit shocking. I have had kids whine when I say, "no, we are doing it this way". I have actually had this discussion with my kids about being conscientious to not take advantage when another parent is hosting. There are definitely kids who do not understand that concept and having observed how the parents are with the kids, I can see it comes directly from the parenting. [/quote]

Taking advantage of you by ordering extra food?  You guys are so so weird and cheap. [/quote]

DP. No, take advantage by seeing how much they can get out of you. I know exactly what PP is talking about. Like it's normal for kids to get excited about ordering food that sounds good, but you instantly learn which kids sometimes hear "no" and those who don't. It will be something like ordering pizza for a group of kids and there's one kid who wants, like, an entire lobster pizza for themselves. And when you say "no, we're going to order four pizzas for the table and they need to be things multiple people like -- plus that lobster pizza is like twice what everything else costs" they get mad and whine.

I have also eaten out with other families and the kids will ask for all these extras, eat like 10% of it, and the parents will just throw the extra food in the trash. I've seen this so many times. This isn't even about money, it's just freaking wasteful. We're always reminding our kids to only order as much as they think they can eat. Something we say often is that we can always order more later if we're still hungry. Which we do, if we finish what we order and are still hungry. But we dont' order a kid two appetizers and an entree and a dessert only to throw most of it away. We can afford it, it's just incredibly stupid and wasteful.[/quote]

So you have hang out with adults and children who you think purposefully try and get out what they financially can from you in the form of food?  Why should we take advice from someone who looks down on her own and her children’s social circle? And can’t seem to separate herself from people with poor values?[/quote]

Op here.  I want to weigh in on this.  I have experienced one of my dd's friends always trying to get me to buy her more expensive or a greater quantity of food.  Not like the main meal, mostly desserts.  I think her family restricts at home.  For example, once I took my daughter and her three friends to a trampoline park and then for ice cream for all on my dime.  Everyone chose whatever ice cream, toppings, etc. they wanted.  The ice creams were massive. After everyone was done, she asked me to buy her chips.  I nicely said no.  I will invite this same kid to our community pool and she'll bring one bag of chips for herself, while i bring snacks for everyone.  Her family has a second home, so they are doing okay.

My kids know not to ever ask for anything like that.  even at people's houses, they don't ask for food; they may ask for water.  If they are hungry at someone's house and they don't offer them food, it's time to come home.
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