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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "Any other women quiet quitting your marriage? "
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m talking about emotionally detaching and reducing effort in the marriage to the bare minimum. I’m burnt out from a full-time job and being the default parent. At the end of the day, my kids, clients, and husband take everything I have to give, leaving nothing for me. I’m sick of all his “work” conferences, dinners, and pleasure trips while I’m breaking my back at work and at home. I’m just done. He adds no value to my life anymore. I’m calendaring my own solo bucket-list trips this year. I’m not communicating with him outside of necessary parenting. I’m dropping the rope on anything related to his family. I’m investing my time and income in myself, my kids, and my friendships. He gets nothing from me. How long can this last? Long enough to finish raising kids? I won’t exactly be sad if it leads to divorce, so fear of divorce is not motivating me to keep trying. [/quote] You sound passive-aggressive. That doesn’t solve any issues.[/quote] How is self-care passive-aggressive? [/quote] DP - By definition "quiet" anything is passive aggressive. Direct aggressive is confronting with: "Henceforth X is what's happening, because Y and therefore Z". Announcing to the anonymous internet you're "quitting" is passive weak sauce bullshit. You brought children into the world with a non-parent. Take full responsibility. Now.[/quote] Nope, incorrect. If you previously used to wipe down the coffee machine at work because it was gross and you didn't want to touch it, sure it's a choice. If you choose to stop wiping down the coffee machine at work and just get coffee elsewhere, that isn't being passive aggressive, it's just not doing the extra task. You seem really confused about what this phrase means. [/quote] Nope, incorrect. If a man previously used to work hard to fund extras like international vacations, a large house, and new luxury cars, sure it's a choice. If he chooses to stop funding extras and instead moves the family to a modest house with one vacation per year at Myrtle Beach and two Honda Accords, that isn't being passive aggressive, it's just not doing the extra. You seem really confused about what these men are really offering, and what these wives actually offer in return.[/quote] OP here. The thing is, my income is integral to our lifestyle. And without getting into personal details, much of our spending is directly tied to DH, not me. It's not a marriage where I'm living a soft life while he provides for the family. I'm doing it all, but I don't get the basic respect and human decency I deserve. He just dumps his social and career-adjacent calendar on me like I'm always available to pick up all the slack at home. I am, because I'm not going to let the kids down, but I am just so done with the rest. Like, any part of the marriage not directly related to parenting - done. [/quote] Round numbers: how much do you make? How much does he make?[/quote] DP. How much money would someone have to make to justify not treating their spouse with respect and human decency? Is it a specific number? Or a percentage of the HHI? [/quote] Right. I, OP, make enough money to live comfortably without any financial contribution from him, so no amount of money justifies the disrespect. Moreover, I am the saver in our family. When we separate, he will overspend, no matter how much money he makes, and I will save, no matter how much money I make. [/quote] Your silence on the actual financial facts of the case is telling. Your arguments only work with a bunch of vague hand-waving. Not with actual reality.[/quote] Her finances aren't your business. You aren't the marriage police, and she doesn't need your permission for anything. No one cares what you think. [/quote] Her finances are relevant to her question. It's like someone posted a health problem but is insisting that she only describe half the symptoms.[/quote] Not really. "Are other women quiet quitting your marriage?" does not need a financial disclosure to answer. [/quote] NP. OP raised the subject: "OP here. The thing is, my income is integral to our lifestyle. And without getting into personal details, much of our spending is directly tied to DH, not me" It's absolutely relevant now. OP made it relevant. [/quote] A) not a question B) not actually relevant. All it says is she works and they need her income, and he's the spender in the relationship. [/quote] pp A) Statements are relevant. I'm not even sure what you mean; it doesn't make any sense. B) It's fair game to respond for clarity/details on a topic raised by OP. OP is free to decline, of course. [quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m talking about emotionally detaching and reducing effort in the marriage to the bare minimum. I’m burnt out from a full-time job and being the default parent. At the end of the day, my kids, clients, and husband take everything I have to give, leaving nothing for me. I’m sick of all his “work” conferences, dinners, and pleasure trips while I’m breaking my back at work and at home. I’m just done. He adds no value to my life anymore. I’m calendaring my own solo bucket-list trips this year. I’m not communicating with him outside of necessary parenting. I’m dropping the rope on anything related to his family. I’m investing my time and income in myself, my kids, and my friendships. He gets nothing from me. How long can this last? Long enough to finish raising kids? I won’t exactly be sad if it leads to divorce, so fear of divorce is not motivating me to keep trying. [/quote] You sound passive-aggressive. That doesn’t solve any issues.[/quote] How is self-care passive-aggressive? [/quote] DP - By definition "quiet" anything is passive aggressive. Direct aggressive is confronting with: "Henceforth X is what's happening, because Y and therefore Z". Announcing to the anonymous internet you're "quitting" is passive weak sauce bullshit. You brought children into the world with a non-parent. Take full responsibility. Now.[/quote] Nope, incorrect. If you previously used to wipe down the coffee machine at work because it was gross and you didn't want to touch it, sure it's a choice. If you choose to stop wiping down the coffee machine at work and just get coffee elsewhere, that isn't being passive aggressive, it's just not doing the extra task. You seem really confused about what this phrase means. [/quote] Nope, incorrect. If a man previously used to work hard to fund extras like international vacations, a large house, and new luxury cars, sure it's a choice. If he chooses to stop funding extras and instead moves the family to a modest house with one vacation per year at Myrtle Beach and two Honda Accords, that isn't being passive aggressive, it's just not doing the extra. You seem really confused about what these men are really offering, and what these wives actually offer in return.[/quote] OP here. The thing is, my income is integral to our lifestyle. And without getting into personal details, much of our spending is directly tied to DH, not me. It's not a marriage where I'm living a soft life while he provides for the family. I'm doing it all, but I don't get the basic respect and human decency I deserve. He just dumps his social and career-adjacent calendar on me like I'm always available to pick up all the slack at home. I am, because I'm not going to let the kids down, but I am just so done with the rest. Like, any part of the marriage not directly related to parenting - done. [/quote] Round numbers: how much do you make? How much does he make?[/quote] DP. How much money would someone have to make to justify not treating their spouse with respect and human decency? Is it a specific number? Or a percentage of the HHI? [/quote] Right. I, OP, make enough money to live comfortably without any financial contribution from him, so no amount of money justifies the disrespect. Moreover, I am the saver in our family. When we separate, he will overspend, no matter how much money he makes, and I will save, no matter how much money I make. [/quote] Your silence on the actual financial facts of the case is telling. Your arguments only work with a bunch of vague hand-waving. Not with actual reality.[/quote] Her finances aren't your business. You aren't the marriage police, and she doesn't need your permission for anything. No one cares what you think. [/quote] Her finances are relevant to her question. It's like someone posted a health problem but is insisting that she only describe half the symptoms.[/quote] Not really. "Are other women quiet quitting your marriage?" does not need a financial disclosure to answer. [/quote] NP. OP raised the subject: "OP here. The thing is, my income is integral to our lifestyle. And without getting into personal details, much of our spending is directly tied to DH, not me" It's absolutely relevant now. OP made it relevant. [/quote] A) not a question B) not actually relevant. All it says is she works and they need her income, and he's the spender in the relationship. [/quote] pp A) Statements are relevant. I'm not even sure what that was supposed to mean; it doesn't make any sense. B) It's fair game to respond for clarity/details on a topic raised by OP. OP is free to decline, of course. [b]It's relevant here insofar as her ability to independently provide for these children. [/b]This seems to be the case - "I, OP, make enough money to live comfortably without any financial contribution from him, so no amount of money justifies the disrespect."- [b]which brings the divorce option more into view. [/b] [/quote] She isn't asking for assistance in evaluating her ability to independently provide for her children. She isn't asking for advice on divorce. You are making random shit up at this point. [/quote] I'm expressing concern the well-being of the children in this failed marriage. [/quote]
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