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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband tends to behave in a vindictive manner as well. When he's upset, he will seek to blame and punish a scapegoat: me or one of his two teens. It can get quite extreme.

As a result, my teens have long abandoned any attempt to get closer to him. They are forced to obey him, but they don't like him. I am their emotional support and the parent they would stay with if we separated.

Regarding your particular situation, my teens interject their opinions in my husband and my business all the time, because we're a rather open-book family, and I respect that they have opinions, even though sometimes their opinions can be hurtful. I actually like that they speak up, OP. I was an extremely sheltered teen and I don't want them to live in a fake bubble of safety.

However the mere fact that you are bringing up divorce, and that this is not the first time, shows how your relationship with your husband is actually very fragile. You have one kid who said she would rather live with her other parent, not you. Red flags abound. When are you going to realize that your punitive mindset has ruined, or is near to ruining, every family bond you have?

My college aged son doesn't return home to visit his father. He returns to talk to his sister and me. I have warned my husband multiple times that this would happen. Please be aware that if you continue with your punitive mindset every time you feel emotionally disturbed, your kids will not want to have a relationship with you as adults.

[/quote]

This a million times.

My parents are still married and I speak with my dad on the phone about once a year for less than 5 min.  My mom can be very vindictive and spiteful like you.  The words, "I'll teach you/them a lesson" ring in my ear.  The only lesson I learned is that she's mean vindictive and spiteful.  I do have a very distant relationship with her.  We visit once or twice a year for never more than 2 or 3 days.  I can handle her on the phone in small doses, so we do talk on the phone.  When we visit I only make small talk with my dad.

OP, you reap what you sow.  Just remember that.  I think my mom is completely ignorant as to why we are not closer.  Every few years she asks why I don't come for Christmas and I have to tell her I don't like the way I'm treated and the family I grew up in is dysfunctional.  I have to put my and my family's that I created health and happiness first.[/quote]

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