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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
I didn't say that I didn't value close family ties and supporting one another.  But I do not expect my kids to put their own lives on hold and neglect their own responsibilities in in order to take care of me when I'm old.   Don't get me wrong, I really hope that I get to see them at that stage of my life.  I'm pretty sure that they will want to see me.  Hopefully we can make that happen.
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NP. This is some warped way of thinking. How is taking care of a loved one amounts to "putting your life on hold"? It[i] is[/i] life. Unless you're orphaned/cut ties with family of origin, single, and childless. Again, it's a valid choice, and plenty of people enjoy it immensely. Maybe more people should consider it.[/quote]

It's not warped. It's simply a different cultural perspective from yours. In my family as well, as I saw from my great-grandparents, and my grandparents, my aged parents, and now for myself, we do not want to be a burden on our children or grandchildren. We want to live on our own and be as independent as possible, for as long as possible, and we want to end our years being as little trouble as possible. That doesn't preclude any of us stepping in and caring for our sick or dying elders with love and grace. We look at it with less entitlement all around. I suppose that's a basic difference between cultures that value independence and the individual versus cultures that push for hyper-dependence and putting the group over the individual.[/quote]

This sounds good and sure would make someone feel less guilty about not taking care of their elderly parents, warm and fuzzy feel good talk.

The fact is the parents are still dependent on others to help them and care for them, those others are just strangers instead of family.

When you gave birth, did you want your mom to come be with you for a some time or would you have preferred a home health aide that you didn't know?

When you were sick with the flu, did you appreciate your husband bringing you soup or bringing you a blanket?  Or would a home health aide have been just as comforting?

These are a person's last years, months, weeks, days of life.  Do you really deep down think that they are perfectly satisfied with a complete stranger taking care of them at a time when they are at their most vulnerable state since they were a child?

If that's your view of independence, it is in fact warped it's just not convenient for you to see it that way.

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