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[quote=Anonymous]I sat my DH down one night and told him that since we both work and have a 50/50 modern relationship that we need to work out who's responsible for what household stuff and what we're going to outsource. This allowed me to walk through all the things that someone has to do and I was surprised that when given a choice about what his responsibilities would be, he's actually stepped up and owned them since this conversation.

Prior to this I was doing everything and feeling really resentful. He essentially must have thought that a fairy made everything happen or that I "wanted" to do it all to control it (he actually said this when we were talking about it calmly).

Anyway, now I cook and he cleans up/loads and unloads the dishwasher every day. He's in charge of garbage, yardwork and lining up handymen/electricians/plumbers, etc. to fix things. I do laundry, grocery shopping and set up family appointments/calendar stuff. We have a cleaning service come in. Sometimes I have groceries delivered if things are hectic.

I stopped asking about his things or suggesting that he do them a certain way. I just let go of them and I've been surprised that he actually has taken ownership and does them without prompting (before this I felt like his mother pestering him to do things all the time. Like the OP, I also got to a point where I needed to prioritize myself. I set up lunches and dinners with friends, I do the things that are important to me. I don't get wrapped up in what he's doing anymore.

I think it worked because that conversation was like a negotiation and he actually now feels that he has some ownership in how smoothly our family and home run.[/quote]

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