Reply to New boyfriend, has a child he never sees.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Not sure if OP is still reading, but I would say that you should hear more from your BF before you judge him.

My DH has a child with this ex who moved to a small town a 4 hr drive away after she remarried a few years ago, when DSC was 8.  DH is specialized enough that he could not easily find work in this other city, if he could find work at all. He did not move with his ex.

DH has a very demanding job, and works a lot of hours, so he can't go visit DSC as often (every other weekend) like he would like, and there is no flight or transportation DSC can take alone, so one parent has to pick him up for visitation and ex refuses to drive him, even half-way.  The ex has also enrolled DSC in summer sleep-away camp, so we don't get long summer visits, just a week or two and winter or spring break.

DH calls DSC daily, visits regularly and tries to stay involved.  It was awful for DH the first year after DSC moved, because he had been a fairly involved father and he really missed him.  I am sure it was also difficult for DSC, but now everyone has adjusted (it's been 5 years) and it is more normal.

I know both DSC and my DH are really happy to see each other when DSC does visit, but I feel like we are disrupting DSC's life when he visits us - DSC misses his activities, friends, routine, etc.  I think that on balance it is better for DSC and DH to have a relationship with DH, but maintaining the relationship with DH means that DSC has to sacrifice in other ways which are unfair to any child.

My DH has 5 years living full-time with DSC, and then 3 more years living in the same area to bond.  If you BF didn't have this bonding time living in the same home/area with his DC, it is not as clear-cut as you might think that maintaining a relationship is always in the child's best interest.  
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Your conclusion (that bonding might be a necessary precondition) isn't supported by anything you say in the previous paras. On a separate note, kudos to your DH for trying so hard. [/quote]

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