Reply to New boyfriend, has a child he never sees.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hmm...I opened this prepared to be pretty harsh on him.  But I'm not sure it's the case.  If the mom has her own life out in California, maybe she really doesn't want him to intrude.  Maybe the daughter doesn't really want an awkward twice  a year visit with a guy she barely knows?  She may have another man (or woman) in her life that she views as her second parent, and not be really interested in this guy filling that role.  I guess I'd need to know more about how he interacts with her.  I think if  he makes it clear to the daughter that he's there for her if she wants him for something (other than 42K a year), I wouldn't judge him too harshly for this.  
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+1  My friend's husband has a child from a relationship when he was around 21.  He didn't even know about the child for several years, mother moved away, she has her own life there, stepfather fills the dad role, they don't want bio dad involved at all.  He respects their boundaries, stays in touch and is there if child (now an adult) wants to connect further but this is the situation mom set up.  My friend and her DH have been married 15 years and he's a super-involved dad to their three children.  [/quote]

Good points [/quote]

My dad -- who has always been an amazing, hands-on, super loving father to me -- had a similar situation. His ex-GF got pregnant but did not want to settle down with him, and ended up marrying someone else and then pressed my dad to relinquish his rights so that her new DH could adopt and legally be a father instead of a stepfather. So my dad did that but still sent money, visited occasionally, and encouraged extended family who lived closer to the ex-girlfriend to maintain a connection with her and my half-sister. My half-sister resents my dad and definitely considers him a deadbeat. From the outside, my dad may look like someone of low character. But in reality he is a terrific dad who did what he thought was best.

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