Reply to Why do so many men feel entitled to sex within a marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This thread really misses the mark.  It talks of spouses wanting to have sex all the time, no matter what the circumstances, and feeling that they are entitled to it.  In those situations I agree that is not cool to feel that you are owed that whenever you want.

That said, in marriages I feel that is a very small minority of the cases.  The majority of situations are marriages where sex has slowed to a trickle or died off completely.   As a husband who has had sex three times in the past two years, am I unreasonable to feel rejected, hurt and generally disappointed with my wife for this?  I married my wife because I loved her, found her to be beautiful inside and out and never wanted to look at another woman again.  I also expected that she would value me, respect me and take into consideration my feelings, including me desire for her and desire to have sex with her.  What spouses not having sex feel is not blue balls, or "why is she not putting out as much as I want her to"; but rather "she just doesn't care enough about me to do something with me that she knows is important to me".

Let's say a woman had a really hard day, comes home to her husband for support and he says "I had a great day today, I'm sorry you did not but I don't really want to ruin my day by listening to what happened to you, maybe go call a friend for support."  Now play that scenario over the course of weeks, months and or years.  I would love to hear a woman on here say that she would be ok with that situation and that the wife should not feel "entitled" to that support from her husband.  [b]Counter how that is different than sex[/b] in the context of a long term committed relationship?  It's not that men (or women in some cases) are super horny people that only care about their sexual satisfaction, but rather hurt, rejected and generally deflated by their spouse not wanting to participate in the one thing that only that spouse can provide.  If you feel that is an ok way to go through a relationship with someone for the rest of your life that is fine, but I don't think that most people do.

The choice faced by spouses not having sex is to either give up on sex completely and live an unfulfilled life, break their marriage vows by cheating or blow up their lives and their children's lives completely by getting a divorce.  The person denying sex is making the selfish choice to say "I understand you are not satisfied with how things are, but what I want is just more important and if you want to be in a sexual relationship you can alter your entire life to get it or just suck it up and deal."  I don't think that expecting sex with your spouse is being entitled.  It is expecting that they will care for you, value you and take your needs and desires into consideration.  By not having sex the spouse is essentially saying "I care more about me than you,  deal with it or leave".  I have chosen to deal with it becuase I don't want my children to go through a divorce and multiple families, but I am unhappy and unfulfilled in my life.  Yes I have the power to alter it by leaving, but there are other lives at stake and I will not hurt them for my own personal happiness.  That is what spouses face, not feeling that they are "entitled" to sex because we are married.[/quote]

You seem to be equating asking for emotional support after a hard day at work with asking for sex.  Your analogy implies that men are expected to provide emotional support, so why shouldn't women be expected to provide sex.

First, I disagree with your premise that men are expected to provide emotional support against their will.

But, even accepting that they are, do you really think being asked to provide emotional support when one isn't in the mood and being asked to provide sex when one isn't in the mood are the same thing?

Sex is a very intimate act.  The emotional aside, you are sticking your body parts inside of me.  You are touching me in traditionally private areas.  You are, likely, seeing me naked.  You are potentially exposing me to some pretty serious consequences -- getting pregnant or getting an STD -- although you may think those two unlikely in particular circumstances.

Can you really not see a difference between responding to "I had a shitty day, can you listen to me" and "have sex with me"?
[/quote]

If you were a total stranger and you wanted sex, I'd say yes (unless you were a total beast).

If you were a total stranger and you wanted "emotional support" I'd tell you to get lost.

So from the male perspective, "emotional support" is a far more intrusive, demanding, and obnoxious requirement than sex. [/quote]

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