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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Instead of cajoling him to get better grades - how about you say, "Larlo, you need to achieve a GPA of 3.5 (or whatever is attainable at this point) to remain at your school.  If you do not, you will be going to the local public in the fall"  Then leave it alone unless he asks you for help.  Do not budge.  Do not change your mind.

And when he baits you with his bullshit comments -- just ignore him and leave the room.  There is no reason to give anything he says (in that vein) one iota of attention.[/quote]

Discussing grades or dictating a certain gpa is a sure way to make the kid fail out.
They're growing up - they have to have the idea that what they are achieving is because of their efforts, not mommy and daddy's.
Leave the kid be to figure it out. 
Your job is to set limits with his behavior but not his grades and what he studies - stay out of that or you are going to cripple the kid.[/quote]

You cannot be serious.  Unless the kid is going to private school for a special need, that is a privilege that you earn.  The idea that a child is expected to perform to the best of their ability will make them fail out is ludicrous.[/quote]

No, I'm serious. We say absolutely nothing about grades or DC's classes. If she wants to discuss it then yes. We send DC to the private school not do DC can be a 'super student' but so DC can learn values and things like  empathy for others. We like the extra activities there for DC - theatre, volunteer projects, sports, arts, etc.

DC has some pretty great  teachers there and is pretty inspired to learn. No pushing is needed.
If / when DC gets an 'off' grade we don't make a big deal of it.

DC is well on the way to independence and directing  his/her own life. Isn't that the point?

If my kid was flunking out I'd reevaluate but really people send kids to private school for more nurturing I think. You won't get that at the public school.

Did you read about the guy that founded under armor? Plenty of stuff about his turbulent teenaged years. 
https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/education/under-armour-founder-gives-16-million-to-st-johns-college-high/2015/11/06/7adc7724-84bf-11e5-9afb-0c971f713d0c_story.html[/quote]

I can understand your approach with your kid - but OP has described her kid as lazy with mediocre grades.  Continuing on this path, he won't be independent and will be sponging off mom and dad forever.  I don't think her insistence on some level of achievable performance is going to cause him to fail out or ruin his precious self-esteem.  Frankly, the kid sounds like he's being an asshole.[/quote]

He is being an asshole. I grew up with a whole ton of those - 4 brothers. My mom was also a nurse and dad died - is there a dad here Op?
Anyway, boys as teens were impossible for my mother without a father. She did the private school route too - the Catholic schools especially will try to set your kid straight for you.

Two of my brothers were very mediocre students in high school despite intelligence. I'd say that about several close male friends as well. To the point that they seemed stupid. The parents let them be for the most part - they were provided opportunities but no one rode them to achieve.
They went off to colleges. I'm still truly shocked at how they all got their acts together and have thriving successful professional lives.
A lot of guys especially are late bloomers when it comes to doing well in school. When they find an end goal that they want they get to it.

I am embarrassed to say though that I screamed the same crao at my mother the nurse.
It's not that I looked down on her it's that I wanted to be what I wanted to be not what my mom wanted me to be.
She was always trying to get me to like things that she liked that were completely incompatible with my abilities or personality and that was the final straw. 
Also I resented being pushed toward a female oriented profession as if that was the only choice.
And I was too young and stupid and irrational to express that of course.
It was probably one of the first cross things I said to my mother rather than vice versa - she was strict as hell.[/quote]

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