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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]First, I'm going to say that I really sympathize with everyone who's struggling with the challenges of parenting a teen or young adult.  We have been lucky -- our kids, ages 18-24, have been relatively easy -- minor, but chronic snarkiness in the early to mid-teens, and some drinking by each of them in high school, but overall, we're lucky.  It's definitely not because we were perfect parents -- we made plenty of mistakes, but we just got lucky.

So, in this spirit, recognizing that we all try our best and even then we don't always get it right, I'm going to make a suggestion about dealing with abusive language from your kids.  This, I'm familiar with.  All 3 of ours -- honors students, varsity athletes, church-goers (yes -- even at college) -- have at one time or another said "FU, Dad" or "you're a bitch, mom".  Here's what we finally figured out:  walk away.  We just would say "I know you're upset and I want to discuss this issue with you, but I can't talk to you when you're abusive in your language.  When you're ready to talk, I'll be downstairs/in the backyard/on the porch (the point is to get away from them until they cool down)."

In our experience, this worked amazingly well.  When they calmed down and were ready to resume the conversation, we would not lecture them about the language, but would just say "Sometimes we all feel like telling somebody to fuck off -- I have felt like telling your dad that, I have felt like telling your aunts that, I have felt like telling your grandparents that and, yes, I've even felt like telling you that, but, we all have to learn that it's hurtful and unproductive and we just have to stop ourselves. So, now, let's talk about beach week."

Of course, this all hinges on our ability to restrain ourselves from screaming back at them in the first place, "You're telling me to fuck off!  You have no idea what an asshole you are!!!"  You want to say that, but you can't.  And don't even start with the schmaltzy memories of their babyhood -- that's just going to make you feel lousy.  They're not babies anymore, and your job now is to help them learn how to handle conflict without descending into verbal abuse.  This is good training for marriage, parenting, work, or living in any type of community.  You're not asking too much.     [/quote]

Perfect advice from mom of a 13, 11 and 7 yr old. I will heed this - thanks ;-)[/quote]

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