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[quote=Anonymous]Hi OP.

I don't usually write in, but your situation sounded very familiar to mine and I thought I would give you some perspective.

I am a man who acted nearly identical to what you describe from your husband.  For whatever it's worth as a profile, I am tall and conventionally attractive, flirtatious, love to party, very social.  Wife is similar, she is a little older than me.  When first kid came in our early 30s, wife was done partying.  Truth be told, she still liked to go out, but had felt she had long aged out of the bar scene, the one where the attractive 20-something mingle, drink, etc.

There were nights when I would go out without wife.  We have always been very cool with each other about independence - still are - so that wouldn't be weird.  But as an early 30s professional man, my world still crossed-over into the early/mid-20s crowd.  Sometimes, I would tag along with my single co-workers (biglaw) and hit the bars, happy hours.  That in and of itself, my wife is cool with.

But there were girls.  Single girls.  Early 20s.  If you are a red-blooded man, its a massive rush to be talking, flirting with a young attractive, flirty girl.  I know many on here would say "no young girl wants your balding, fat husband" and maybe that describes your husband but it does't describe me or most of my married male friends.  Anyway, this married-man/single girl dynamic has a lot to offer without the sex.  Man gets to feel admired and appreciated by younger girl, cute, full of life and energy.  He picks up the check, is an ego boost for her in a maze of d-bags and 30 thousand dollar millionaires.  It's all seemingly harmless because he is married, of course.

There was one girl, we became close.  I would find excuses to see her.  She would find excuses to see me.  We'd hang out at the bars, always in groups so nothing was obvious.

The most physical thing that happened were a couple b-rated kisses.  She ended up moving away for grad school.

My wife was definitely suspicious.  I made the mistake of talking about her way too much.  I missed her when she left.

Fast forward 15 years.  We have two kids, a great marriage and its full steam ahead.  I am super happy I didn't completely fuck things up, which is partly luck because I didn't get caught.

My take-away for you: I don't know if this got physical with your husband and Jen.  It's entirely possible/probable it didn't.  But, he knows he is being inappropriate.  He sounds truly sorry, if not for what he did, than for the prospects of losing you and his family.  Early childhood years are really hard, some people react differently than others.  If you have an otherwise good relationship, and he has been a good partner to this point, try to work through this. Once you have a kid, you never walk away from your partner.

I would have a calm conversation with him.  Tell him he has a choice - he can be single or he can be with your family.  You will not tolerate being the doormat at home while he is out being inappropriate with single women.  If he wants out of the marriage, you will respect that and co-parent amicably.  This kind of calm talk is really shocking for men - much more so than tears.  It shows you are being rationale and serious.  It's the wake up call he needs.

Good luck, I hope you both emerge from this stronger.[/quote]

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