Reply to Lack of Sex starting to cause issues/fights

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[quote=Anonymous]OP I am not going to read a 12 page thread so I apologize in advance if my advice is duplicative.

I am a DW who is pretty insecure about my PP body. I did not gain a lot of weight while pregnant but I started out overweight and have always been fairly insecure about my weight (although my DH married me at around my current weight so I am not dealing with the change there in terms of his attraction).

I think for me two things help the most:

- DH being very physically affectionate. He is always touching my back, kissing me, holding my waist, that kind of stuff. He also sometimes will escalate the physical affection in ways that are not always aimed at sex such as some slow and lazy 2nd base action or butt grabbing. This type of physical intimacy is not just showing that the loves me but that there is the sexual component. Hugging and cuddling doesn't always show that part b aspect.

- DH really kind of going to town. Trying to not be explicit but I think my DH knew I was unhappy about certain things and made a concerted effort to not JUST initiate sex but to be super focused on foreplay and trying different things and touching my body with no hesitations. I am certain that my post c-section stomach is less attractive than it was pre-pregnancy but I honestly have never felt that from my husband. It sounds like you're a great guy but it also sounds like your lack of attraction (for attitude or physical reasons) is coming through. My DH really went above and beyond in those first few months post partum to throw himself into making me feel attractive. And it has really improved our sex life overall and our relationship overall.

So I guess at the end of the day my advice is for you to take on as a personal mission the concept of convincing your wife that you find her emotionally and physically attractive. And maybe that means faking it until you make it but like, FAKE it. With enthusiasm. I can't really describe how difficult it is to be pregnant, and have this body you've had your whole life just change completely. It is so disheartening, and women, we are not kind to each other. Marriage (as you know because you've said) is about helping each other while your up or down. This is weird because its something you both should be doing but your wife is down and she needs someone to help pull her up. Start copping feels, start telling her she looks beautiful spontaneously when she comes home in a dress or really at any time. Make these things organic but intentional and don't give up. [/quote]

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